That time.........

A lot of opinions are thrown around...especially by those of the opposite gender....about THAT time of the month for ladies.....
But who knows us better than ourselves?

Was just sitting and thinking about this recently......because I marvel at the internal transformation within myself.
You have good months....and then some not-so-good months.

Growing up in a home with 3 other females, it became inevitable......as happens with many others....that we all got synchronized....moods and all!
I remember precariously approaching either one of them during that fateful one week, where you have to walk on eggshells sometimes....never knowing what could trigger someone off. Lol.
The week when the banging of doors was a normal phenomenon.......
Everyone retreating to their comfort corner.....
Silence hanging in the air.
And I was certainly no exception to this scenario.

I used to warn my friends, never to take anything that I say personally....And once they got into the swing of things, it was no longer an issue....They just stuffed me up on chocolate. Lolol.
A few days later, we were all back to normal and the internal sun was shining again.

As I said...there may be good months, and there may be bad months.

There may be the days where you cannot stand any other human being for no particular reason other than the fact that they are just alive......
There could be moments when you dream up everything you want to pig out on down to the very ingredient of the dish.....
When you get bloated......and as you continue to stuff your mouth for emotional relief, get even more depressed while looking down at your fat-lined bulging belly............(An oxymoron of actions, that you should NEVER make the mistake of voicing out loud! We know it already)
There could be moments when you just do not want........cannot......willingly or unwillingly....to do anything other just stare at a wall.............all day.........no interruptions!
When sounds and smells become amplified....good and bad.....and you wonder why human beings just talk sooooooooo much!?
When emotions MAY run amok, depending on the time of day...the environment...the trigger.......

Sublime endless possibilities.

This is how we are created.
And contrary to popular male belief.....and some females who are not blessed with the madness of PMS......there is a tendency to think that it's all a put on...............that women take advantage, go crazy, and have something conveniently to blame.
This is just to clear the air........

• We really are NOT in control..........as much as we would like to be and not go through the roller coaster of emotions.
• It is NOT fun for us.
• Understand the dynamics....and LEAVE US ALONE  in peace!

3 very simple, east-to-remember, take-home points:-)

My hubby learnt the not-so-easy way......Lol.......but, he's still alive and well:-)........and after much needed education, we are at a beautiful point.
In fact his support, patience and understanding, has almost erased the dreaded PMS for me.
There are many more good months than bad ones now.....and you can hardly notice it anymore.
So it is possible to reshape the people around you, and manage to work with creating a balance within.

This is how we are created.
It's not an act...Not a farce...Not an excuse.
And if anyone still has a problem with PMS......Take it up with the Creator at your own time!

Bowing out of 2010............

Why is it that as soon as you start a diet....then ALL that your brain can think about all day is FOOD....?!?
I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, but somehow, I think it's just psychologically easier to start off something new when the year starts......When you still have renewed zest and positive anticipation for the year ahead.......
So after falling off the lifestyle change bandwagon.....I am now fervently back on....with a bang!:-)

The last 2 weeks of December were spent partly reorganizing my life to get back to my lifestyle change plan.
And the rest of the time, in between the sampling of mouthwatering edibles, was spent introspecting.

Other than just growing up...I think marriage has really made me know myself better as a person.
So this year, I've come to a new level of humility I think........
Known myself better....
Accepted myself....flaws and all.

This year I've also come to realize how truly screwed up we are as a society in general.
Just look around you and take a step back to notice what is now normal.....

Knee-jerk reactions to every situation, big and small...........
Not being able to truly speak your mind, because someone somewhere has not grown up and whose feelings will supposedly get hurt, and then they'll proceed to attempt to ruin your life by repeatedly attacking you in social media (like that has any real bearing on things!)..........And I'm not talking about teenagers here, I'm talking about supposedly-grown-up adults, behaving like toddlers in their terrible-two's stage.......!
People just cannot take criticism, however positive, however much-needed by that particular individual........And people cannot hear a different view from what they hold on their own.....Differing opinions are no longer respected............No one wants to feel challenged, lest they actually have to explain their opinions, beliefs, practices, choices........which more often than not, they don't know themselves, and hence the extreme discomfort and knee-jerk reaction.
Let's all be clones of one another, so that people can be comfortable and feel safe.

An expansive sense of entitlement by people.......
We live in an age of fast food, and fast results, so people just want want and want some more......without wanting to work for anything anymore......Results expected, with no input!
Somehow I think that defies the laws of all reasoning.....
But hey, just look around you, and listen to people as they speak......Expecting everything and everyone around them to be DOING something for them, sorting out their lives, fixing their problems........And oh Lord, let it not be the government again!.....And the particular individual wants this whole heavenly red carpet out for them without ever lifting a finger to do anything.....!
People have mastered the art of singing this Woe Unto Me anthem.......which is frankly just....disgusting....pathetic.
And a new generation of young people who have no clue about the How and Why of things has mushroomed....further confounding the situation.

For me, those 2 topics above generally summarizes the canopy that holds many the societal problems I see around. I can only postulate that they are stemmed from serious immaturity and a prevalent lack of self-esteem in the general population.
How to fix any of these problems, I truly do not have a clue. And I am yet to decide whether I even want to attempt to tackle them at any level.
But that was 2010 for me.
Not a bad year per se really.....but a year with many curve balls, which thankfully, I managed to navigate.
But I come away from it with a new sense and understanding of reality.

Favours that you deny...

 And so the wintry whiteness is upon us, and for some reason or the other, I totally love it.
This seems to surprise people.......I guess how and why would this female from Africa be enjoying this bitter cold when instead it should be one  heck of an alien feeling and hence uncomfortable??
All I keep hearing is, "But you're from Africa!".......
The thought that runs through my head is, "And so???".
As I said, it's only a matter of perception.

You see, ever since the holiday of Thanksgiving, I've been having constant checks on myself.
People can go on and on (as they did on the day, and I suspect they shall do in the years to come as well on the day) about the origins of the holiday and how we should all shun it.......Instead of thinking about the real significance of being grateful for all you have.
I for one think it's an absolutely brilliant idea that a country can have a national holiday to give thanks to God.
I absolutely love the idea, and being a follower of the Islamic faith, I think it is very much congruent with my own belief system. Even though in Islam we are reminded to be grateful for God's blessings each and everyday, I still think its a wonderful idea to bring families together at least once a year, force us all to endure each other and be grateful to have one another, regardless of previous petty squabbles along the way:-)

Plus I have a really good friend who does a weekly list of things she is grateful for every Thursday.
She has been an inspiration.

So, when the temperatures outside have plummeted well below Zero Celsius....I can only be grateful.

Migraines that I get from the heat, no longer exist. I am pain-free all day everyday. Thanks to God. Yipppeeee!
I try to dress modestly as is the requirement of my faith...all year round...and so in winter for once, I'm not sticking out like a sore thumb amongst others as I'm all covered up, compared to other times of the year. So i don't have to endure questions like "Aren't you feeling hot in that??".
Nor do I have to be subjected to viewing all forms, shapes and manners of unsightly human body parts that I don't want to look at, and that are on display in other warmer times of the year!...
Moreover, as people struggle to bundle up and dress in layers, I am already more than proficient in it:-) So no problems there for me.

As I watch my next door neighbour trudge through the snow in the cold, fighting to keep her hair from going off with the wind and trying to get a grasp on her shawl as she rushes to catch the bus to work, I can only be ever so grateful that I can play in the white stuff from above, and then jump into my warm car and get to where I need to be safely.

As I think of people who are homeless, I am sooooooooooooooooo freaking grateful that I have a roof over my heat, heating in my home, a hot shower each day, food to cook and enjoy, and a comfortable warm bed to lie in at the end of the day.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have heard sighs and whispers of people expressing their loneliness, and don't I just feel so blessed to have a life partner with me to enjoy the moments, the good and the bad, I am not alone. Do we appreciate our companions enough??

I am overjoyed to be in a country where I can move about freely....practice my faith freely (despite what people may think otherwise)...where I can express my thoughts, where my voice can be heard by somebody....Where despite where I've come from, I have actually been received with open arms and made to feel at home.........
And despite the seas, deserts and forests between me and my family and friends, we have the gift of technology to allow us to be in touch everyday, several times of the day.

So, what's not to love about winter???:-)
There is a chapter in the Quran.....which is my absolute favourite.....where it outlines the beauty of the earth, and all its bounties that God has put in for us to enjoy, and asks mankind, which of these favours of God can we deny??

As I say, it's all a matter of perception.
Once you develop an attitude of being grateful....Of giving thanks....Of appreciation.........Then the possibilities become endless everyday.
And overall, I think one becomes a nicer person.:-)
So instead of sitting at my window, looking outside despondently and complaining about the bitter cold, dreaming of the sun, and thinking that all life's problems will become easier with a change in weather...
All I can do is have a smile on my heart, serenade my husband in the snow, and enjoy the magnificence of God's work all around me...
For which of my Lord's favours can I truly.......TRULY.....deny?????

Watchman Syndrome....

I think one of the most epic and exasperating encounters one can have in my home country is with........
A Watchman!
Imagine as you sit in your car, waiting patiently outside a closed gate, either getting home or visiting someone, and trying to get access to the house, but first you have to go through this certain individual with all the power to either let you in, or make you blow your brains out as you wait no-so-patiently anymore in the car.....
Having grown up in a country with a thriving security company business sector, you would think that part of the job description would include how to create rapport, seeing how this particular job involves interacting with people at all times of the day and night...........But Noooooooooooo....
If you have ever been in a similar situation, you will immediately know where I'm coming from.....!

 After having lived in an environment without the existence of watchmen, I was rudely brought back to reality when I went back home to visit my family this past summer.
The watchman to my parents house spent four to five days letting me into the house compound on a daily basis with no problem, after which he had an epiphany that perhaps he might not quite know who I am.........
So the following evening........and I just happened to have a friend with me......he decided would be the most opportune time to exercise all his authority in barring me from getting to my home....
The rudeness was appalling...and I was quite embarrassed to have company witness that.....
And because I challenged him....he spat in my face, and asked me what I was going to do about it!
What was I going to do about it??!?!?!?!!!!
It was apparent he did not know me.............
The showdown thereafter was a sight to behold.........I seriously think people underestimate women who wear headscarves!
He didn't quite understand that his lapse of judgement....and his eagerness to display his machismo....would not fly very well in the 21st century power play....and he soon found out what I could do about his fantastic display, when he was told not to report to work the next day.
His behaviour was inexcusable, and I shudder to think if it had been done to a guest of my parents instead.....
While it may have been on the extreme side of things.... It just goes to show you how much a watchman feels in control, when you are helpless outside a closed gate to which he has the key!

However, what I call the Watchman Syndrome is not entirely restricted to watchmen.
Think about it when you have to encounter the all-powerful SECRETARY!
I don't know about people's experiences, but THE worst secretary experiences that I have had have been in the offices of government ministries in my country.
I think there is a personal satisfaction with some of these people when it comes to stomping all over another human being....Having to endure the secretary be so condescending towards you.....then waiting to speak to someone for 3 hours, only to thereafter be informed that he/she has gone for lunch and a meeting and will not be back that day............leaves me in  boggled state of mind!
I have had crazy visions in my head sometimes of jumping across the desk and yanking out that secretary's hair....or something!
Deep exhale...........


I've never understood people like that, who have a job where they need to interact with others constantly, but they seem to be averse to the very thought of communication! It's never made sense..........

I think the Watchman Syndrome can also be very aptly projected onto......Airport Staff!
God Lord........anyone who has had to deal with airport staff knows that you can have the best experience of your life, or THE VERY worst moments, that can make you want to never ever travel again.....
What is it with people at check-in or flight-transfer counters?!?!?!  WHO crawled up their behind???
Yet again this past summer, as I was waiting to board a plane in Dubai Airport, I was witness to some pretty atrocious behaviour by airport staff.........In an industry that is so cosmopolitan, the prevalence of racism and intolerance is quite amazing.........Woe unto you if you do not speak English in a perfect British or American accent! You clearly are not worth anyone's time and courtesy.......The fact that you paid a lot of money for the journey not withstanding....
As we were watching the spectacle of bad attitude unravel before us, a gentleman from Rwanda who was infront of me, turned around and said the most remarkable thing........He said, "These Asians are so mistreated by their Arab employers in this part of the world, that when they get even a small chance to terrorize and put down someone else, they maximise it to the fullest! And since Africans are considered the bottom of the totem pole everywhere, there's no better target than someone with dark skin to make them feel a little bit better about themselves. This is the jackpot for them today!"

I think his words were very profound.
For so long I've wondered, why some people have no problem with their work demands, while others seem to loathe anything and everything while interacting with others and would make sure to make everything so unpleasant for them? ?
The underlying common thread amongst all these people is the absence of self worth........Self hate.....Lack of self esteem...such that any chance they get to feel important, they jump at it......And their interpretation of being important, means stomping on everyone around them whenever possible.........just as they are, or have been, stomped on in their lives........

Look around you.........how many do you see with the Watchman Syndrome???

Not Skipping A Beat....

This past week I had the pleasure of meeting up with a close friend of mine, coming all the way from across the seas...
We haven't seen each other in a while....Last time we met, was at my wedding, so clearly I was in no mental state to have anything coherent or intelligent to say at that time.....And so it was just briefly at the wedding, and I was quickly whisked off by Prince Charming to other lands after that......

There was a time when we would spend each day together....and then somehow life took over....
It just happened that, we were never in the same locality thereafter....
But the friendship still persisted.

I have very few close friends.....And with them, I truly feel like they are my sisters from other mothers.
This past week was awesome, and also very emotional.
We haven't seen each other for quite a while...........have not even spoken for months....but the moment I saw her, it was immediately just like we were back in our college days, living it up:-)
Without skipping a beat....conversation just flowed.....
The love and loyalty still intact.

I'm sure you can all relate to friends like that....
Where distance separates you...
Life overtakes you...
But yet and still.....they are always there.
We wonder why some friendships are so successful, while others fall to the wayside so easily....
And why with certain people, despite separation, you can always pick up the thread of conversation with such ease like you last spoke just the say before??

I truly value my girls....My Divas:-)
And through them I have learnt who I am, without them ever realizing it.
For the most part, other people find my close friendships strange.....For it seems that I may perhaps have nothing in common temperament-wise with these other ladies...........But we all have a monumental respect for each other as individuals, and I think this is a great driving force...
We are all different....
We are all unique....
Yet we celebrate our diversity and individuality, and learn from each other, and encourage each other to reach new heights.
Wouldn't we all just love it if more people around us had this same mind frame???:-)
It actually takes great strength of character to be someone of that nature.

So I had a fabulous time in the big city.....
Living my Sex and the City dream:-)
With my girl by my side.....
Where we could stuff our faces unbound with Red Velvet Cupcakes......
Sleep at crazy hours of the morning....
Walk till my feet hurt...
Spend ridiculous amounts on make-up without blinking....
Laugh and giggle like little girls hand in hand......
And experience a total ShoeGasm that would make Carrie Bradshaw proud any day!
This is a sincere thanks to all my divas:-)

Live to Die Another Day......

It is really concerning to read about the new-age consequences of bullying in the media nowadays....
And especially here in Ohio....where there have been a number of reported cases where teenagers have taken matters into their own hands, and actually taken their lives in a bid to permanently end the suffering they were enduring...
My heart goes out to these kids, and their families.....

It is interesting to note however, that bullying is as old as time i think.....
Somehow, somewhere, in some form, a human being feels the need to torment....to put down....to minimize the existence of another human being.....
As children....and as usually portrayed on TV.....happens most usually within schools....amongst their peers...
Whether it be for gaining services like help with homework....or taking one's lunch money....taking one's possessions.....or just for the pure "fun" of it all......
The stereotype  is that of a big boned child, looking down upon a smaller built individual, and making use of the size advantage to overcome the other smaller usually nerd-type persona....
We all assume that people grow out of it.
That it's a childhood phenomena.
that people mature, and overcome these tendencies....
Not so correct.

As with current new-age childhood bullying, most of it now is escalated because you have the power of technology to now taunt and torment others....
This is the face of new-age bullying.
And it transcends children.

As adults, we rarely refer to it as bullying, because mentally we have been so conditioned to attribute it to something that may have occurred in the context of school and peers and a certain age.
In adulthood however, we call them haters.

What people don't realize is, haters are just adult bullies.
I was thinking, and have made a mental note of this on several occasions.........That when having a discussion or debate with someone, once they reach an intellectual stumbling block, or run out of ideas to justify their point, why is it, (and this happens 95% of the time), that these people then quickly resort to personal attacks as a means of tearing the other person down and hence in their mind create a false sense of winning???

Or people who will just randomly pick on you..........say things about you (without actually spending time to get to really know you)....form biased opinions.....and just perpetuate the most ludicrous things regarding a person, that are more often that not, false....
We call them haters right??

Have you every thought of that in the context of adult bullying??
If you don't agree with them, then there's something wrong with you....A difference of opinion is a totally foreign matter to these lot.
How many people out there have you come into contact with who fall in this bracket??..
Most time, these kind of personalities run in packs......and their opinions are the conclusions of a group effect...rarely do you find them so confident on a singular basis.....especially face-to-face....
And as with teenagers, today's time affords the safety of sitting behind a computer screen while lashing out at someone...but not having the balls to ever face that person individually and say the same thing upfront.....

These kind of people interest me....
When one spends a bit of time analyzing these personalities, you quickly understand that these are people with major personal insecurities...and it works best to project their insecurities plus a few prejudices here and there, onto their object of choice....
Their lives amount to little....and their personal achievements in whatever capacity amounts to little.....
This frustration and deep melancholy they have for themselves, they project onto another....
The only way they can make themselves feel better......feel worthwhile....is to tear another person down....
Stomp on another person, so they can come out on top.

It really is a problem prevalent in society.
But once you understand that the underlying issue is not really you, but their own personal dissatisfaction with themselves...then you can truly feel sorry for their unhappy existence.
It's a shame though that they have to exist, and that there are soooooooo many of them all around us.
Plus its a further shame for them because sometimes their object of attack may not have that same self-doubt and self-hate that they have internalized, so that their attacks really have no effect and are profoundly FUTILE.
Psychologists and psychiatrists call it a phenomenon of transference and projection.
Recognise it for what it is...and get some help!

Twinkling Toes.....

So I'm here sitting and admiring my feet.......
YUP, you read right.......hahahaha....MY FEET:-)

I think it's no surprise to anyone that I'm a really girly-girl:-) And I thoroughly love being one.
But some things I think transcend from the girly-girl, to every woman out there....

I still remember my very first Spa pedicure. WOW, it was HEAVEN.....I didn't want it to end, and the foot massage was beyond words......I felt like I was walking on clouds after that:-)
That quickly became a permanent fixture in my calender of things thereafter.
But then as is human habit, you quickly become accustomed to certain things, and when they are no longer available, it becomes one hell of a challenge.
Lack of a pedicure wouldn't kill anyone certainly......But it sure did dampen my spirits when I moved continents.
All of the things that had become ritualistic from me, were suddenly just not available...........like a rug just pulled out from under me....It was disorienting.
No waxing, No manicures, No facials, No eyebrow threading, No massages...........And no spa pedicures!
Sigh......
My little luxuries all taken away from me.
The spirit of Suburban Barbie was severely challenged.

I fought very hard to stop my feet from turning into ghastly hobbit-looking imitations.....To keep the cracks and roughness off the soles......To constantly keep the nails in check.......
I failed miserably.
I think the environment was just not conducive to my lifestyle. LOLLLL.

Many times I have spoken to other ladies about this....Some agree with me that it is indeed an ESSENTIAL service, while others don't think it's that serious....While a whole other group have never tried it and have never even given it a second thought...And it remains an alien concept altogether for them.
The second group I have no problems with, because they would occasionally indulge in such like activities....But the last group baffles me completely.
Sometimes I wish I could drag all the women who are in that group and pay for ALL of them to have the experience and then see.
Especially some of them when you look at their hands and feet!
Have you ever seen a woman dressed up to the nines....Got everything in check...hair, make-up, dress, purse....even some really pretty shoes on....Then you see the ghastly feet in them.....chapped, cracks....and you just want to concentrate on keeping your composure........
It just does not look nice ladies.
And believe me, it does not go unnoticed either!

I think many of us underplay grooming...............And then we wonder how the people we watch on TV or magazines, get to look the way they do......Well, certainly not from the lack of primping and priming trust me!

As a Muslim, especially, I consider all grooming services an absolute essential.
Taking from the example of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who was very attentive to his clothes, his body odour, that his hair was well combed, and that his breathe was always pleasant. The brother really took the time out to keep himself in tip-top shape. And in Islam we are frequently reminded about cleanliness and grooming, for ourselves, as well as being in this pleasing state for others around us, and especially our spouses.
So I'm pretty happy that my hubby thoroughly appreciates Suburban Barbie, and doesn't think I'm ridiculous for paying attention to all these things. And I am very grateful that he is not a caveman!...
I think ALL men though, would love their women to be that way.........Some women may argue contrary to this.......But seriously, go ahead and talk to some men...Not your spouse, but male relatives or friends you may have........You'll find out I'm not far from the truth......They may just not verbalise that to their wives for fear of hurting their feelings..........But that doesn't change the truth.

My husband thinks I should start an image consulting and grooming school for young ladies......Or perhaps, for an untapped population, Muslim women in particular.
That's still in contemplation in my head..................
Maybe one day.....

But I am wholly grateful to that star who trained me to be an absolute lady......To embrace myself....And to completely enjoy my femininity at all times....
My Mother.:-) The Queen Bee herself.
So I'll just sit here and continue smiling at my feet.....
That I have them back in the shape and condition worthy of a lady!:-))