Watchman Syndrome....

I think one of the most epic and exasperating encounters one can have in my home country is with........
A Watchman!
Imagine as you sit in your car, waiting patiently outside a closed gate, either getting home or visiting someone, and trying to get access to the house, but first you have to go through this certain individual with all the power to either let you in, or make you blow your brains out as you wait no-so-patiently anymore in the car.....
Having grown up in a country with a thriving security company business sector, you would think that part of the job description would include how to create rapport, seeing how this particular job involves interacting with people at all times of the day and night...........But Noooooooooooo....
If you have ever been in a similar situation, you will immediately know where I'm coming from.....!

 After having lived in an environment without the existence of watchmen, I was rudely brought back to reality when I went back home to visit my family this past summer.
The watchman to my parents house spent four to five days letting me into the house compound on a daily basis with no problem, after which he had an epiphany that perhaps he might not quite know who I am.........
So the following evening........and I just happened to have a friend with me......he decided would be the most opportune time to exercise all his authority in barring me from getting to my home....
The rudeness was appalling...and I was quite embarrassed to have company witness that.....
And because I challenged him....he spat in my face, and asked me what I was going to do about it!
What was I going to do about it??!?!?!?!!!!
It was apparent he did not know me.............
The showdown thereafter was a sight to behold.........I seriously think people underestimate women who wear headscarves!
He didn't quite understand that his lapse of judgement....and his eagerness to display his machismo....would not fly very well in the 21st century power play....and he soon found out what I could do about his fantastic display, when he was told not to report to work the next day.
His behaviour was inexcusable, and I shudder to think if it had been done to a guest of my parents instead.....
While it may have been on the extreme side of things.... It just goes to show you how much a watchman feels in control, when you are helpless outside a closed gate to which he has the key!

However, what I call the Watchman Syndrome is not entirely restricted to watchmen.
Think about it when you have to encounter the all-powerful SECRETARY!
I don't know about people's experiences, but THE worst secretary experiences that I have had have been in the offices of government ministries in my country.
I think there is a personal satisfaction with some of these people when it comes to stomping all over another human being....Having to endure the secretary be so condescending towards you.....then waiting to speak to someone for 3 hours, only to thereafter be informed that he/she has gone for lunch and a meeting and will not be back that day............leaves me in  boggled state of mind!
I have had crazy visions in my head sometimes of jumping across the desk and yanking out that secretary's hair....or something!
Deep exhale...........


I've never understood people like that, who have a job where they need to interact with others constantly, but they seem to be averse to the very thought of communication! It's never made sense..........

I think the Watchman Syndrome can also be very aptly projected onto......Airport Staff!
God Lord........anyone who has had to deal with airport staff knows that you can have the best experience of your life, or THE VERY worst moments, that can make you want to never ever travel again.....
What is it with people at check-in or flight-transfer counters?!?!?!  WHO crawled up their behind???
Yet again this past summer, as I was waiting to board a plane in Dubai Airport, I was witness to some pretty atrocious behaviour by airport staff.........In an industry that is so cosmopolitan, the prevalence of racism and intolerance is quite amazing.........Woe unto you if you do not speak English in a perfect British or American accent! You clearly are not worth anyone's time and courtesy.......The fact that you paid a lot of money for the journey not withstanding....
As we were watching the spectacle of bad attitude unravel before us, a gentleman from Rwanda who was infront of me, turned around and said the most remarkable thing........He said, "These Asians are so mistreated by their Arab employers in this part of the world, that when they get even a small chance to terrorize and put down someone else, they maximise it to the fullest! And since Africans are considered the bottom of the totem pole everywhere, there's no better target than someone with dark skin to make them feel a little bit better about themselves. This is the jackpot for them today!"

I think his words were very profound.
For so long I've wondered, why some people have no problem with their work demands, while others seem to loathe anything and everything while interacting with others and would make sure to make everything so unpleasant for them? ?
The underlying common thread amongst all these people is the absence of self worth........Self hate.....Lack of self esteem...such that any chance they get to feel important, they jump at it......And their interpretation of being important, means stomping on everyone around them whenever possible.........just as they are, or have been, stomped on in their lives........

Look around you.........how many do you see with the Watchman Syndrome???

Not Skipping A Beat....

This past week I had the pleasure of meeting up with a close friend of mine, coming all the way from across the seas...
We haven't seen each other in a while....Last time we met, was at my wedding, so clearly I was in no mental state to have anything coherent or intelligent to say at that time.....And so it was just briefly at the wedding, and I was quickly whisked off by Prince Charming to other lands after that......

There was a time when we would spend each day together....and then somehow life took over....
It just happened that, we were never in the same locality thereafter....
But the friendship still persisted.

I have very few close friends.....And with them, I truly feel like they are my sisters from other mothers.
This past week was awesome, and also very emotional.
We haven't seen each other for quite a while...........have not even spoken for months....but the moment I saw her, it was immediately just like we were back in our college days, living it up:-)
Without skipping a beat....conversation just flowed.....
The love and loyalty still intact.

I'm sure you can all relate to friends like that....
Where distance separates you...
Life overtakes you...
But yet and still.....they are always there.
We wonder why some friendships are so successful, while others fall to the wayside so easily....
And why with certain people, despite separation, you can always pick up the thread of conversation with such ease like you last spoke just the say before??

I truly value my girls....My Divas:-)
And through them I have learnt who I am, without them ever realizing it.
For the most part, other people find my close friendships strange.....For it seems that I may perhaps have nothing in common temperament-wise with these other ladies...........But we all have a monumental respect for each other as individuals, and I think this is a great driving force...
We are all different....
We are all unique....
Yet we celebrate our diversity and individuality, and learn from each other, and encourage each other to reach new heights.
Wouldn't we all just love it if more people around us had this same mind frame???:-)
It actually takes great strength of character to be someone of that nature.

So I had a fabulous time in the big city.....
Living my Sex and the City dream:-)
With my girl by my side.....
Where we could stuff our faces unbound with Red Velvet Cupcakes......
Sleep at crazy hours of the morning....
Walk till my feet hurt...
Spend ridiculous amounts on make-up without blinking....
Laugh and giggle like little girls hand in hand......
And experience a total ShoeGasm that would make Carrie Bradshaw proud any day!
This is a sincere thanks to all my divas:-)

Live to Die Another Day......

It is really concerning to read about the new-age consequences of bullying in the media nowadays....
And especially here in Ohio....where there have been a number of reported cases where teenagers have taken matters into their own hands, and actually taken their lives in a bid to permanently end the suffering they were enduring...
My heart goes out to these kids, and their families.....

It is interesting to note however, that bullying is as old as time i think.....
Somehow, somewhere, in some form, a human being feels the need to torment....to put down....to minimize the existence of another human being.....
As children....and as usually portrayed on TV.....happens most usually within schools....amongst their peers...
Whether it be for gaining services like help with homework....or taking one's lunch money....taking one's possessions.....or just for the pure "fun" of it all......
The stereotype  is that of a big boned child, looking down upon a smaller built individual, and making use of the size advantage to overcome the other smaller usually nerd-type persona....
We all assume that people grow out of it.
That it's a childhood phenomena.
that people mature, and overcome these tendencies....
Not so correct.

As with current new-age childhood bullying, most of it now is escalated because you have the power of technology to now taunt and torment others....
This is the face of new-age bullying.
And it transcends children.

As adults, we rarely refer to it as bullying, because mentally we have been so conditioned to attribute it to something that may have occurred in the context of school and peers and a certain age.
In adulthood however, we call them haters.

What people don't realize is, haters are just adult bullies.
I was thinking, and have made a mental note of this on several occasions.........That when having a discussion or debate with someone, once they reach an intellectual stumbling block, or run out of ideas to justify their point, why is it, (and this happens 95% of the time), that these people then quickly resort to personal attacks as a means of tearing the other person down and hence in their mind create a false sense of winning???

Or people who will just randomly pick on you..........say things about you (without actually spending time to get to really know you)....form biased opinions.....and just perpetuate the most ludicrous things regarding a person, that are more often that not, false....
We call them haters right??

Have you every thought of that in the context of adult bullying??
If you don't agree with them, then there's something wrong with you....A difference of opinion is a totally foreign matter to these lot.
How many people out there have you come into contact with who fall in this bracket??..
Most time, these kind of personalities run in packs......and their opinions are the conclusions of a group effect...rarely do you find them so confident on a singular basis.....especially face-to-face....
And as with teenagers, today's time affords the safety of sitting behind a computer screen while lashing out at someone...but not having the balls to ever face that person individually and say the same thing upfront.....

These kind of people interest me....
When one spends a bit of time analyzing these personalities, you quickly understand that these are people with major personal insecurities...and it works best to project their insecurities plus a few prejudices here and there, onto their object of choice....
Their lives amount to little....and their personal achievements in whatever capacity amounts to little.....
This frustration and deep melancholy they have for themselves, they project onto another....
The only way they can make themselves feel better......feel worthwhile....is to tear another person down....
Stomp on another person, so they can come out on top.

It really is a problem prevalent in society.
But once you understand that the underlying issue is not really you, but their own personal dissatisfaction with themselves...then you can truly feel sorry for their unhappy existence.
It's a shame though that they have to exist, and that there are soooooooo many of them all around us.
Plus its a further shame for them because sometimes their object of attack may not have that same self-doubt and self-hate that they have internalized, so that their attacks really have no effect and are profoundly FUTILE.
Psychologists and psychiatrists call it a phenomenon of transference and projection.
Recognise it for what it is...and get some help!