Superwoman.....

"...Coz I am Superwoman....
     ......Yes I am."

I used to totally love that song by Alicia Keys.
I lived it.
Breathed it.
I was it.

The past couple of weeks have seen me having very interesting conversations with other ladies about the state of 'our' men.......generally in society.
Why do people stay with no good men?
Why do people stay with men who don't behave as equal partners in a relationship?
Why do people stay with men who only want a replacement mommy?

I think for the longest time ever, we as women, collectively sit and basically trash men.
We may not want to admit it.....but yes we do.
Almost 3 decades on this planet, and I personally am starting to really honer in on a different path with the whole so-called male-bashing brigade.

I'm not saying that men are not the creatures that we all have experience of knowing....
I'm not saying that total jerks don't exist....because we all know they do....and those ones should be promptly kicked to the kerb.
All I'm saying is, it's time to stop the generalizations, as well as taking some personal responsibility too in the mix of the messes we find ourselves in.

So he's a no-good idiot.
How about accepting responsibility for picking a no-good idiot?....
Or staying with him for thaaaaaaaaat long once you discovered that he's a no-good idiot?

So he doesn't help out with the housework, or just doesn't step up to the platform he should be on.
How about accepting that maybe you have a hand in it all with that situation?
I remember looking at women all around me, doing everything, handling everything, taking care of everything......exhausted by life after a short time.....because of all of that.......Superwomen......and then getting bitter because their partners were not helping out with anything of anything regarding their life together.
I watched women take care of every little detail FOR the man, then turn around later and wonder why he doesn't do anything on his own, for himself, and has no initiative to do anything............
Its because YOU do everything already.

And these wonderful women who were forced to handle it all subconcsiously then breed other Superwomen............
Who can do it all.....
Who will never need to lean on a man.....
Who won't need a man........
And then we wonder why we are where we are.........A multitude of women who have no respect for men.....And a multitude of men who just don't know what their role is anymore.

It seems cruel to say that a man is 'well-trained'....But in reality, our men DO need some guidance on how to do things.....Some direction......In helping out.....On getting onto that platform we want them to be on......And then set them free.
We HAVE to stay in our lane as women.
We HAVE to let men take their role.

Many of us were raised by Superwomen.....And I think it has become the standard normal for a woman to be able to do everything.......
Yes, WE CAN do everything, but we don't HAVE to.
There is a reason God created us with partners.
We don't HAVE to do everything.
We can share.
We can delegate.
We can push our men up on that podium and make them step up to it all.

The danger of the Superwoman mentality is that, with our acquired power, the role of men in our lives then becomes redundant....
And we slowly but surely then emasculate the men we do have......our husbands.......our sons........and FEED the vicious cycle of men not stepping up to the plate.
We are inclined biologically to want companionship....But then we also have a hand in creating this monstrous state of affairs....
Because we DO contribute to tearing down the good men that are out there....by taking on OUR role, as well as THEIR role too. Leaving them with no blueprint to life.
Letting them get away with nonsense.....
Making excuses for them....
Condoning the lack of real manhood.
WE are in control of this situation.
And therefore we have to own up to contributing to the system...to the situation of it all.

 This weekend I have received a precious piece of advice from an older lady.
Yes, we are Superwomen.
But when we do find that rare gem of a good man, let's work our super powers on inspiring that man to be the very best partner that he can be...the very best leader.....the best husband.....the best father.....the best MAN that he can be.
Push him up on that pedestal and inspire him to be the SuperMan that he can be......
That you WANT him to be.

Leeches.....

Life is an interesting place....

People are interesting creatures.

I think as human beings  we are extremely social beings...and without realizing it, our day to day sense of worth and existence really revolves round our relationships with other people in our lives, in whatever capacity they are.

Now and then, I'm accused of being anti-social.
I've never agreed with that description....but everyone is allowed their opinion I suppose.
But perhaps my need for other human attention, acceptance, acknowledgement has just waned over time...And hence i can peacefully exist with minimal interaction from others.
I ceased being a 'people-pleaser'.....decided not to bend with the wind.......decided to make some people uncomfortable....
This indeed is a sense of freedom.
To be truly yourself.
No dependency on others.
Some people may see it as being lonely....but there is a huge difference between being lonely and choosing to be alone.
Sometimes the drama just isn't worth it.....from those far off, but especially from those near and perhaps once dear.

Interestingly over the years I've come to notice....and have discussed with many other people....as to how some people that populate one's life are there just out of convenience.

How many of us have that 'friend' who we keep on the side and only call when we need something?
How many of us have that family member who is but a virtual stranger to us now despite having probably spent the first 2 decades of your lives together??
How many of us have friends, loved ones, associates who have come and gone intermittently throughout our lives....leave.....not a word.......and then only to show up with some crisis or drama at certain time intervals....?
How many of us have totally erased the memory of individuals who at one point of our lives took up center stage of the entire play we were in??

On the flip side....
We have the people who are there.....always...
Un-wavering.....
Un-judging.....
Constant.
The ones who there was an instant connection.
The ones who you didn't have to pretend with.
The ones who despite not having spoken in years, you can pick up the thread of conversation where you left it off half a decade ago........
The people who have stood the test of time.

Our lives are about our relationships with others......that human connection.
Anyone who tried to refute that, is in denial.
The dependency on these connections is what may vary within people.
We give precedence to those we are bound by decree to call 'family'....But we all know, that's not necessarily the truth of the word family.
Family are the constants....And that is truly decided over time......Not last name.
And that there is indeed a huge difference in being lonely and choosing to be alone....and it is okay!

I've come across so many people who think they are odd-balls....who don't fit into the mould.....who deem themselves as anti-social....amazing men and women who have falsely been led to believe that they are an anomaly and should change...conform.......
I say to you....you are as beautiful as you truly are.
Stay yourself always.
THEY will adjust to you and accept you eventually.
And the ones who don't, were not worth the time.