Favours that you deny...

 And so the wintry whiteness is upon us, and for some reason or the other, I totally love it.
This seems to surprise people.......I guess how and why would this female from Africa be enjoying this bitter cold when instead it should be one  heck of an alien feeling and hence uncomfortable??
All I keep hearing is, "But you're from Africa!".......
The thought that runs through my head is, "And so???".
As I said, it's only a matter of perception.

You see, ever since the holiday of Thanksgiving, I've been having constant checks on myself.
People can go on and on (as they did on the day, and I suspect they shall do in the years to come as well on the day) about the origins of the holiday and how we should all shun it.......Instead of thinking about the real significance of being grateful for all you have.
I for one think it's an absolutely brilliant idea that a country can have a national holiday to give thanks to God.
I absolutely love the idea, and being a follower of the Islamic faith, I think it is very much congruent with my own belief system. Even though in Islam we are reminded to be grateful for God's blessings each and everyday, I still think its a wonderful idea to bring families together at least once a year, force us all to endure each other and be grateful to have one another, regardless of previous petty squabbles along the way:-)

Plus I have a really good friend who does a weekly list of things she is grateful for every Thursday.
She has been an inspiration.

So, when the temperatures outside have plummeted well below Zero Celsius....I can only be grateful.

Migraines that I get from the heat, no longer exist. I am pain-free all day everyday. Thanks to God. Yipppeeee!
I try to dress modestly as is the requirement of my faith...all year round...and so in winter for once, I'm not sticking out like a sore thumb amongst others as I'm all covered up, compared to other times of the year. So i don't have to endure questions like "Aren't you feeling hot in that??".
Nor do I have to be subjected to viewing all forms, shapes and manners of unsightly human body parts that I don't want to look at, and that are on display in other warmer times of the year!...
Moreover, as people struggle to bundle up and dress in layers, I am already more than proficient in it:-) So no problems there for me.

As I watch my next door neighbour trudge through the snow in the cold, fighting to keep her hair from going off with the wind and trying to get a grasp on her shawl as she rushes to catch the bus to work, I can only be ever so grateful that I can play in the white stuff from above, and then jump into my warm car and get to where I need to be safely.

As I think of people who are homeless, I am sooooooooooooooooo freaking grateful that I have a roof over my heat, heating in my home, a hot shower each day, food to cook and enjoy, and a comfortable warm bed to lie in at the end of the day.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have heard sighs and whispers of people expressing their loneliness, and don't I just feel so blessed to have a life partner with me to enjoy the moments, the good and the bad, I am not alone. Do we appreciate our companions enough??

I am overjoyed to be in a country where I can move about freely....practice my faith freely (despite what people may think otherwise)...where I can express my thoughts, where my voice can be heard by somebody....Where despite where I've come from, I have actually been received with open arms and made to feel at home.........
And despite the seas, deserts and forests between me and my family and friends, we have the gift of technology to allow us to be in touch everyday, several times of the day.

So, what's not to love about winter???:-)
There is a chapter in the Quran.....which is my absolute favourite.....where it outlines the beauty of the earth, and all its bounties that God has put in for us to enjoy, and asks mankind, which of these favours of God can we deny??

As I say, it's all a matter of perception.
Once you develop an attitude of being grateful....Of giving thanks....Of appreciation.........Then the possibilities become endless everyday.
And overall, I think one becomes a nicer person.:-)
So instead of sitting at my window, looking outside despondently and complaining about the bitter cold, dreaming of the sun, and thinking that all life's problems will become easier with a change in weather...
All I can do is have a smile on my heart, serenade my husband in the snow, and enjoy the magnificence of God's work all around me...
For which of my Lord's favours can I truly.......TRULY.....deny?????

Watchman Syndrome....

I think one of the most epic and exasperating encounters one can have in my home country is with........
A Watchman!
Imagine as you sit in your car, waiting patiently outside a closed gate, either getting home or visiting someone, and trying to get access to the house, but first you have to go through this certain individual with all the power to either let you in, or make you blow your brains out as you wait no-so-patiently anymore in the car.....
Having grown up in a country with a thriving security company business sector, you would think that part of the job description would include how to create rapport, seeing how this particular job involves interacting with people at all times of the day and night...........But Noooooooooooo....
If you have ever been in a similar situation, you will immediately know where I'm coming from.....!

 After having lived in an environment without the existence of watchmen, I was rudely brought back to reality when I went back home to visit my family this past summer.
The watchman to my parents house spent four to five days letting me into the house compound on a daily basis with no problem, after which he had an epiphany that perhaps he might not quite know who I am.........
So the following evening........and I just happened to have a friend with me......he decided would be the most opportune time to exercise all his authority in barring me from getting to my home....
The rudeness was appalling...and I was quite embarrassed to have company witness that.....
And because I challenged him....he spat in my face, and asked me what I was going to do about it!
What was I going to do about it??!?!?!?!!!!
It was apparent he did not know me.............
The showdown thereafter was a sight to behold.........I seriously think people underestimate women who wear headscarves!
He didn't quite understand that his lapse of judgement....and his eagerness to display his machismo....would not fly very well in the 21st century power play....and he soon found out what I could do about his fantastic display, when he was told not to report to work the next day.
His behaviour was inexcusable, and I shudder to think if it had been done to a guest of my parents instead.....
While it may have been on the extreme side of things.... It just goes to show you how much a watchman feels in control, when you are helpless outside a closed gate to which he has the key!

However, what I call the Watchman Syndrome is not entirely restricted to watchmen.
Think about it when you have to encounter the all-powerful SECRETARY!
I don't know about people's experiences, but THE worst secretary experiences that I have had have been in the offices of government ministries in my country.
I think there is a personal satisfaction with some of these people when it comes to stomping all over another human being....Having to endure the secretary be so condescending towards you.....then waiting to speak to someone for 3 hours, only to thereafter be informed that he/she has gone for lunch and a meeting and will not be back that day............leaves me in  boggled state of mind!
I have had crazy visions in my head sometimes of jumping across the desk and yanking out that secretary's hair....or something!
Deep exhale...........


I've never understood people like that, who have a job where they need to interact with others constantly, but they seem to be averse to the very thought of communication! It's never made sense..........

I think the Watchman Syndrome can also be very aptly projected onto......Airport Staff!
God Lord........anyone who has had to deal with airport staff knows that you can have the best experience of your life, or THE VERY worst moments, that can make you want to never ever travel again.....
What is it with people at check-in or flight-transfer counters?!?!?!  WHO crawled up their behind???
Yet again this past summer, as I was waiting to board a plane in Dubai Airport, I was witness to some pretty atrocious behaviour by airport staff.........In an industry that is so cosmopolitan, the prevalence of racism and intolerance is quite amazing.........Woe unto you if you do not speak English in a perfect British or American accent! You clearly are not worth anyone's time and courtesy.......The fact that you paid a lot of money for the journey not withstanding....
As we were watching the spectacle of bad attitude unravel before us, a gentleman from Rwanda who was infront of me, turned around and said the most remarkable thing........He said, "These Asians are so mistreated by their Arab employers in this part of the world, that when they get even a small chance to terrorize and put down someone else, they maximise it to the fullest! And since Africans are considered the bottom of the totem pole everywhere, there's no better target than someone with dark skin to make them feel a little bit better about themselves. This is the jackpot for them today!"

I think his words were very profound.
For so long I've wondered, why some people have no problem with their work demands, while others seem to loathe anything and everything while interacting with others and would make sure to make everything so unpleasant for them? ?
The underlying common thread amongst all these people is the absence of self worth........Self hate.....Lack of self esteem...such that any chance they get to feel important, they jump at it......And their interpretation of being important, means stomping on everyone around them whenever possible.........just as they are, or have been, stomped on in their lives........

Look around you.........how many do you see with the Watchman Syndrome???

Not Skipping A Beat....

This past week I had the pleasure of meeting up with a close friend of mine, coming all the way from across the seas...
We haven't seen each other in a while....Last time we met, was at my wedding, so clearly I was in no mental state to have anything coherent or intelligent to say at that time.....And so it was just briefly at the wedding, and I was quickly whisked off by Prince Charming to other lands after that......

There was a time when we would spend each day together....and then somehow life took over....
It just happened that, we were never in the same locality thereafter....
But the friendship still persisted.

I have very few close friends.....And with them, I truly feel like they are my sisters from other mothers.
This past week was awesome, and also very emotional.
We haven't seen each other for quite a while...........have not even spoken for months....but the moment I saw her, it was immediately just like we were back in our college days, living it up:-)
Without skipping a beat....conversation just flowed.....
The love and loyalty still intact.

I'm sure you can all relate to friends like that....
Where distance separates you...
Life overtakes you...
But yet and still.....they are always there.
We wonder why some friendships are so successful, while others fall to the wayside so easily....
And why with certain people, despite separation, you can always pick up the thread of conversation with such ease like you last spoke just the say before??

I truly value my girls....My Divas:-)
And through them I have learnt who I am, without them ever realizing it.
For the most part, other people find my close friendships strange.....For it seems that I may perhaps have nothing in common temperament-wise with these other ladies...........But we all have a monumental respect for each other as individuals, and I think this is a great driving force...
We are all different....
We are all unique....
Yet we celebrate our diversity and individuality, and learn from each other, and encourage each other to reach new heights.
Wouldn't we all just love it if more people around us had this same mind frame???:-)
It actually takes great strength of character to be someone of that nature.

So I had a fabulous time in the big city.....
Living my Sex and the City dream:-)
With my girl by my side.....
Where we could stuff our faces unbound with Red Velvet Cupcakes......
Sleep at crazy hours of the morning....
Walk till my feet hurt...
Spend ridiculous amounts on make-up without blinking....
Laugh and giggle like little girls hand in hand......
And experience a total ShoeGasm that would make Carrie Bradshaw proud any day!
This is a sincere thanks to all my divas:-)

Live to Die Another Day......

It is really concerning to read about the new-age consequences of bullying in the media nowadays....
And especially here in Ohio....where there have been a number of reported cases where teenagers have taken matters into their own hands, and actually taken their lives in a bid to permanently end the suffering they were enduring...
My heart goes out to these kids, and their families.....

It is interesting to note however, that bullying is as old as time i think.....
Somehow, somewhere, in some form, a human being feels the need to torment....to put down....to minimize the existence of another human being.....
As children....and as usually portrayed on TV.....happens most usually within schools....amongst their peers...
Whether it be for gaining services like help with homework....or taking one's lunch money....taking one's possessions.....or just for the pure "fun" of it all......
The stereotype  is that of a big boned child, looking down upon a smaller built individual, and making use of the size advantage to overcome the other smaller usually nerd-type persona....
We all assume that people grow out of it.
That it's a childhood phenomena.
that people mature, and overcome these tendencies....
Not so correct.

As with current new-age childhood bullying, most of it now is escalated because you have the power of technology to now taunt and torment others....
This is the face of new-age bullying.
And it transcends children.

As adults, we rarely refer to it as bullying, because mentally we have been so conditioned to attribute it to something that may have occurred in the context of school and peers and a certain age.
In adulthood however, we call them haters.

What people don't realize is, haters are just adult bullies.
I was thinking, and have made a mental note of this on several occasions.........That when having a discussion or debate with someone, once they reach an intellectual stumbling block, or run out of ideas to justify their point, why is it, (and this happens 95% of the time), that these people then quickly resort to personal attacks as a means of tearing the other person down and hence in their mind create a false sense of winning???

Or people who will just randomly pick on you..........say things about you (without actually spending time to get to really know you)....form biased opinions.....and just perpetuate the most ludicrous things regarding a person, that are more often that not, false....
We call them haters right??

Have you every thought of that in the context of adult bullying??
If you don't agree with them, then there's something wrong with you....A difference of opinion is a totally foreign matter to these lot.
How many people out there have you come into contact with who fall in this bracket??..
Most time, these kind of personalities run in packs......and their opinions are the conclusions of a group effect...rarely do you find them so confident on a singular basis.....especially face-to-face....
And as with teenagers, today's time affords the safety of sitting behind a computer screen while lashing out at someone...but not having the balls to ever face that person individually and say the same thing upfront.....

These kind of people interest me....
When one spends a bit of time analyzing these personalities, you quickly understand that these are people with major personal insecurities...and it works best to project their insecurities plus a few prejudices here and there, onto their object of choice....
Their lives amount to little....and their personal achievements in whatever capacity amounts to little.....
This frustration and deep melancholy they have for themselves, they project onto another....
The only way they can make themselves feel better......feel worthwhile....is to tear another person down....
Stomp on another person, so they can come out on top.

It really is a problem prevalent in society.
But once you understand that the underlying issue is not really you, but their own personal dissatisfaction with themselves...then you can truly feel sorry for their unhappy existence.
It's a shame though that they have to exist, and that there are soooooooo many of them all around us.
Plus its a further shame for them because sometimes their object of attack may not have that same self-doubt and self-hate that they have internalized, so that their attacks really have no effect and are profoundly FUTILE.
Psychologists and psychiatrists call it a phenomenon of transference and projection.
Recognise it for what it is...and get some help!

Twinkling Toes.....

So I'm here sitting and admiring my feet.......
YUP, you read right.......hahahaha....MY FEET:-)

I think it's no surprise to anyone that I'm a really girly-girl:-) And I thoroughly love being one.
But some things I think transcend from the girly-girl, to every woman out there....

I still remember my very first Spa pedicure. WOW, it was HEAVEN.....I didn't want it to end, and the foot massage was beyond words......I felt like I was walking on clouds after that:-)
That quickly became a permanent fixture in my calender of things thereafter.
But then as is human habit, you quickly become accustomed to certain things, and when they are no longer available, it becomes one hell of a challenge.
Lack of a pedicure wouldn't kill anyone certainly......But it sure did dampen my spirits when I moved continents.
All of the things that had become ritualistic from me, were suddenly just not available...........like a rug just pulled out from under me....It was disorienting.
No waxing, No manicures, No facials, No eyebrow threading, No massages...........And no spa pedicures!
Sigh......
My little luxuries all taken away from me.
The spirit of Suburban Barbie was severely challenged.

I fought very hard to stop my feet from turning into ghastly hobbit-looking imitations.....To keep the cracks and roughness off the soles......To constantly keep the nails in check.......
I failed miserably.
I think the environment was just not conducive to my lifestyle. LOLLLL.

Many times I have spoken to other ladies about this....Some agree with me that it is indeed an ESSENTIAL service, while others don't think it's that serious....While a whole other group have never tried it and have never even given it a second thought...And it remains an alien concept altogether for them.
The second group I have no problems with, because they would occasionally indulge in such like activities....But the last group baffles me completely.
Sometimes I wish I could drag all the women who are in that group and pay for ALL of them to have the experience and then see.
Especially some of them when you look at their hands and feet!
Have you ever seen a woman dressed up to the nines....Got everything in check...hair, make-up, dress, purse....even some really pretty shoes on....Then you see the ghastly feet in them.....chapped, cracks....and you just want to concentrate on keeping your composure........
It just does not look nice ladies.
And believe me, it does not go unnoticed either!

I think many of us underplay grooming...............And then we wonder how the people we watch on TV or magazines, get to look the way they do......Well, certainly not from the lack of primping and priming trust me!

As a Muslim, especially, I consider all grooming services an absolute essential.
Taking from the example of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who was very attentive to his clothes, his body odour, that his hair was well combed, and that his breathe was always pleasant. The brother really took the time out to keep himself in tip-top shape. And in Islam we are frequently reminded about cleanliness and grooming, for ourselves, as well as being in this pleasing state for others around us, and especially our spouses.
So I'm pretty happy that my hubby thoroughly appreciates Suburban Barbie, and doesn't think I'm ridiculous for paying attention to all these things. And I am very grateful that he is not a caveman!...
I think ALL men though, would love their women to be that way.........Some women may argue contrary to this.......But seriously, go ahead and talk to some men...Not your spouse, but male relatives or friends you may have........You'll find out I'm not far from the truth......They may just not verbalise that to their wives for fear of hurting their feelings..........But that doesn't change the truth.

My husband thinks I should start an image consulting and grooming school for young ladies......Or perhaps, for an untapped population, Muslim women in particular.
That's still in contemplation in my head..................
Maybe one day.....

But I am wholly grateful to that star who trained me to be an absolute lady......To embrace myself....And to completely enjoy my femininity at all times....
My Mother.:-) The Queen Bee herself.
So I'll just sit here and continue smiling at my feet.....
That I have them back in the shape and condition worthy of a lady!:-))

Laugh Out Loud

A few years ago, I saw this piece on TV about laughing clubs in India....and how these groups of people would congregate and just laugh away....Apparently it was meant to be a stress reliever...a way to live a healthier life.....or something.
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh, we would all want to be laughing everyday right??
But how do you just start laughing at nothing??? LOLLLL (at that thought:-))
Seems ridiculous doesn't it?......That's what I thought then......
I mean, even though my Grandfather came from there, sometimes Indians can be strange....hahahaha....That's what I thought and dismissed the notion altogether.
But do you know there are now laughing clubs of America?! hmmmmmm......!!

Today was one of those days..........No no...Don't be mistaken....One of THOSE days...
I woke up, and didn't want to be awake! Aaaarghh!
The sound of my better half singing away in joy that it was morning made me want to throttle him all the more.
I got to work, and bless that office, everyone is always out and about, so I really didn't have to interact with anyone. Phew! have avoided human contact.
As the afternoon dragged on, I just couldn't shake off this bad morning vibe that I awoke with, for some reason, but I really could not seem to tolerate people everywhere....And I was slowly just getting more wound up as the day dragged on.
Then......my Aunt called....and because she's such a sweet lady, God bless her, I didn't ignore her call, but instead answered it......We just started chatting about this and that and everything in between, and before I knew it, I was giggling, and smiling, and having this rambunctious laughter pop out of my mouth now and then...........
After half an hour, I got off the phone, and suddenly I just felt light.....in my spirit.
And I was thinking, is that all that I needed??
Some human contact? The very thing that I had been trying to avoid all day.......?? LOL.

Have you ever observed someone in the throes of laughter??:-)
Some having this booming infectious laughter............Others cover their mouths and it comes out in spurts...
Some people become totally inhibited......
Their heads get thrown backwards....
Wides mouth open....such that a dentist would envy the view!...
Some clap their hands in joy....
Others you better watch out, because legs and arms declare their own compass in every foreseeable direction:-)

But the one thing you do notice, is the glint in people's eyes...
They suddenly come alive...
Nervousness disappears.....
Ice gets broken and people start communicating......
And after a good laugh, it's like your satiety centre has been hit by a huge truck....
Your mind is clear....
You breathe better....
Your heart is pumping in happy gallops....
You just feel more relaxed.....don't you?
Feel so FREE!:-)

I think I have been taking the power of laughter for granted:-) And I should start paying more attention to advice from my mother's ancestors apparently. hahaha.......Even though half the time nowadays, I respond to a lot of things with LOL (laugh out loud), and when I do that, I really do either have a smile on my face, or have a chuckle at least....
Strange though, it might seem something so innocuous, but I think if you ask any woman what she wants in a partner, almost invariably we all say, someone with a sense of humour and who can make us laugh.........So laughter is important....
But why wait around for other people to provide the joy?.........Be a source of joy onto yourself, and unto others....Spread it  around:-)
So go on then..............Laugh Out Loud! It's good for you. LOLOLOLOLLLL:-)

Secret - by Seal

To finally know...........

So today I'm a bit mellowed out.....probably because I'm nursing this terrible cold, and feel half dead....lol.

I had this full day planned out but had to cut half of it short thanks to this bug.
All I had to do was call the Other Half to pick me up from work, and voila he showed up like a genie out of a lamp. I was so grateful. I was really feeling terrible.

I've been musing a lot about different women I meet from time to time....And their never ending search for Mr. Right...And the now all too common stories of There-Are-No-Good-Men-Out-There-Anymore variety....
I come across a lot of unhappy bitter women, who probably don't even realize how unpleasant they are to others...Or maybe they want to make you feel as unpleasant as they feel. After all, misery does love company. Who knows what's going through their neuronal connections up there....
Some people say, that if you've never witnessed a good healthy relationship, then you wouldn't know how to be in one, and how to foster one...I think that's true to a certain extent....And then I think, we all have the same basic wants and needs as human beings....To feel loved and appreciated, and treasured by others around us, in whatever capacity....and we navigate through life trying to figure ourselves out, as well as how to achieve all those things our hearts yearn.

There was a time in my life I didn't think that love was real.....you know, like REALLY real.....Or that I was destined to be blessed with it....I thought perhaps I was just one of those people who wasn't lucky enough to be in that happy bubble that I envisioned people were in.
Of course I had to learn to love myself first, and deem myself worthy of love, so as to be able to be truly open to another human being and let them into that space.........something I think many people are afraid of doing and hence deny themselves the experience.......and then end up in the male-bashing band.

And then of course there's always good old plain Hollywood....that makes us believe love and romance are one and the same thing, and that's the only facet we should view it in....And then when the romance fades, people mistakenly thing the love has also faded......

Am I an expert in this? Hell no...but I've had my fair share of mistakes, and thankfully took a step back to learn from them...I wanted to know what made happy couples tick, and so I had to be honest with myself about my own shortcomings and own up to bad choices I made..........I had to take responsibility......

Of course we all want to feel the magic :-) And it's absolutely wonderful to feel the magic. To be swept off our feet....
I still remember when my husband and I were courting.......and I couldn't even remember what I said throughout our first dinner together, or what the food even tasted like..............but I do remember staring into his eyes.........
I never thought this corny stuff was real....until I was right in the middle of it :-)
And I remember my heart racing, and my brain just absolutely refusing to work, and despite written directions, I still got lost in Covent Garden in Central London (somewhere I had been numerous times before) trying to find the restaurant with the perfect french breakfast so that I could share that with him.......I'm so glad he didn't think I was a bumbling idiot that day....
And I remember that total feeling of contentment when we prayed together.....
And I remember my heart aching at Heathrow Airport when he had to leave, such that I delayed him so much, he missed his flight out!

That magic does exist.................maybe not in the uber cinematographic style of Hollywood.....but I'm pretty sure everyone has their own magic moments that just make them smile and lights up their hearts............
Hence I don't understand the people who trash the idea of marriage....
Or trash men, and then yet in the same breathe would want to be with someone who they can share their life with.........
Or people who want to be with someone, say they are looking for a partner, but then again exude such negativism within themselves outward to the world, that they push away the chance of letting all that come into play...........They don't give themselves a real chance for love..........And then conclude it's not possible.......
Take responsibility.

Secret - by Seal (Please click on the link to listen to the song)

The nature of magic moments changes too over time.........People think they diminish, but they actually become deeper, richer and more meaningful.....And you learn to look at things through a different kaleidoscope...
To see a new vision, aside that from which we are all taught by romance novels and mass media....
To appreciate.....
So when my husband rushes over to pick me from work because I am unwell....
And tucks me into bed....
And gets me my medication...
And does the dishes....
And makes sure dinner is served....
And checks up on me ever so often to see if I am alright....
I am humbled by the power of the Almighty...because He has shown me, by knowing, loving and respecting your Lord, how great his Bounty and Mercy can be.....
And I am humbled to finally know Love.

Belly Up....??

So I've been musing.........
And perhaps I'm starting to believe that a friend of mine might just have been right a few years ago when he told me that I might just have too much testosterone in me..........Lol.

Baby...baby.......and oh baby!
I think the natural inclination for most people.......at least where I come from....is that once you get married, there should be the advent of little ones somewhere along the way.......
And then people talk about all this 'maternal instinct' stuff........hmmmmmmmm.....something that I just don't relate to....

I watch other women coo-coo over babies, or the idea of babies...........and I just have no connection to all of that.
I hear other women talk about how much they want to have kids......and I don't really have connection to that intensity of feelings either........
I mean, am I missing something??
Did I miss some training or class while growing up? Lol.

Not that I don't want to ever have 'Mini-Me's' at some point in the future.........but I don't really sit thinking about it....or planning for it.......or yearning for it either.
I like kids.....I really don't mind them...and I actually think I would make a fantastic mother.....
But I also really like the way my life is so far. Lol.
So people would call that being selfish huh?

Sometimes I think it's because we are sooooo attuned to the fact that marriage and kids have to go together......Or that when you reach a 'certain age', you have to be at that point in your life......
But who's to say one size fits all??

I would really like to find out from other women, did they always WANT to have kids???
But, I'm certain that I might not get the honest answers I seek.....because it would be viewed negatively if someone actually came out and said, NO, I really didn't want to have kids, or have these many kids.......It's seen as something bad, so I don't think I'll get the honest responses I seek.

When I was a teenager...I thought boys were stupid (I secretly to some measure still think this).....and I wasn't interested in boys.......and everyone around me was running after some boy or the other, having crushes, relationships, etc etc.........And I didn't want any of that..........I pretended, just so that I could fit in....and so that people wouldn't view me as being weird.......I bet in this day and age, if I was a teenager now and communicated that to people, the natural answer would be perhaps I'm gay..............
But I'm not gay...and I wasn't having any of those thoughts then either.......But I still wasn't like everyone else swooning over some guy.........just like I don't swoon over the idea of babies now.

And so here I am at a later point in life............with a different set of issues......
Are there people who have kids because it's the expected thing to do??
Would anyone ever admit to that???

I see myself as a mother in the future......God Willing.........but just not now........
And I find babies cute......I don't gush over them....but I find them cute (most of them), and some actually delightful....Lol.......
But that doesn't kick in this 'maternal instinct' that I envision.......the thing that people are always talking about. Lol.
Another funny thing is...........everyone always thinks that I don't like kids......I guess because I don't Oooh-Aaah at them like everyone else.......and yet, I actually do enjoy the company of kids.......Just smart, well-behaved ones. Hahahahaha........And ironically, I think kids like me too........and that surprises people.

As women, we are expected to want babies...and dream about prams and booties...or something along those lines......It's set up as the unspoken sphere of womanhood.
So does it make you less of a woman supposedly, if you don't fit that category?
Do people think there's something wrong with you?

When I was single, there was this immense pressure to get married.......but I held out.....until I found Mr. Right.
And then it turned out that people were putting me under a microscope thereafter, because I did not fit the 'Wife' type. lololol.......I guess I don't fit the 'Mom' type either then......
So these magical emotions and bonds that other women have about children, I don't have it.
And I suspect there are other women out there like me...................
But perhaps public censure keeps them wary to speak out their true thoughts.

Women Are People Too...!!!

I recently read an article that I felt very close to my heart, because I remember a few years ago where I was at a point in my life trying to find myself.....
Who am I?
As we plod through life, we define many roles as women.....as daughters, sisters, friends, girlfriends, wives, mothers, aunts, grandmothers.............all rounded and carefully molded to fit our cultures and the communities that we grown up in....
But at some point in every woman's life........and perhaps several times in a woman's life.........she reaches a point where she tried to define herself as an individual..........And usually society is not kind to these kind of thoughts.

For me personally....that question.......Who am I?...led me down the spiritual path of Islam, in which I found peace, balance and a place for myself within society......That was my identity....And I could be ultra 'feministic', and yes still be a good person......I am still me, and I am a Muslim woman, and in the midst of all that, I still play all the roles I have to play in connection with my fellow human beings....without losing myself in the mix.
Sometimes this struggle however, leaves many ladies confused and tormented...And they may not be able to identify what is the root of all the conflict.........

The words of  BETTY FRIEDAN fifty years ago had immense power, and I think up to now, will still resonate with many women.
So despite this being a tad bit long.........this blog is dedicated to her..............and to all those girls who have always been told, that there is a glass ceiling.

"It is not easy to put into words a feeling and a problem that women find harder to talk about than almost anything - including sex. it is in fact such a complex and elusive problem that - as prevalent as it is - there is not yet a psychological term to describe it. Essentially, this feeling or problem is a strange stirring, a dissatisfied groping, a yearning, a search that is going on in the minds of women. This is not easy to put into words because those women who struggle with it struggle alone, afraid to admit that they are asking themselves the silent question, "Is this all?", as they make the beds, shop for groceries and new curtains, eat peanut-butter sandwiches with the children, chauffeur Cub Scouts and Brownies to and from meetings, or lie beside their husbands at night.

There are no words for this search in the millions of words written for women about women these past 20 years in columns, articles, and books by experts that tell us that our roles as women is to seek fulfillment as wives and mothers. The voices of tradition and the voices of Freudian sophistication tell us that we can desire no greater destiny than to glory in our role as women, in our own femininity. They tell us how to catch a man and keep him; how to breast-feed children and handle toilet training; sibling rivalry, adolescent rebellion, how to buy a dishwasher, cook Grandmother's bread and gourmet snails, build a swimming pool with our own hands; how to dress, look and act more feminine, and make marriage more exciting; how to keep our husbands from dying young and our sons from growing into delinquents.

They tell us - the psychologists and psychoanalysts and sociologists who keep tracing the neuroses of child and man back to mother - that all our frustrations were caused by education and emancipation, the striving for independence and equality with men, which made women unfeminine. They tell us that the truly feminine woman turns her back on the careers, the higher education, the political rights the opportunity to shape the major decisions of society for which the old-fashioned feminist fought.

Now a thousand expert voices pay tribute to our devotion from earliest girlhood to finding the husband and bearing the children who will give us happiness. They tell us to pity the "neurotic",  "unfeminine", "unhappy" women who once wanted to be poets and physicists of presidents, or whatever they had it in them to be. For a women to have such aspirations, interests, goals of her own, the experts keep telling us, impairs not only her ability to love her husband and children but her ability to achieve her own sexual fulfillment.

How can a woman shut her ears to all the voices of the experts and listen instead to the inner voice within her that tells her something else? Sometimes a woman says, "I feel empty, somehow", or "useless", or "incomplete", or she says it is, "as if I don't exist".
Sometimes she goes to a doctor with symptoms she cannot describe: "I have a tired feeling"..."I get so angry with the children it scares me"..."I feel like crying without any reason". She may spend years on the analyst's couch, working out her adjustment to the "feminine role". And an inner voice may say "that's not it".

A woman may live half her lifetime before she has the courage to listen to that voice and know that it is not enough to be a wife and mother, because she is also a human being herself. She cant live through her husband and children. She has to find her own fulfillment, whatever it may be.
It is such a simple truth.

Betty Friedan
Co founder of the Organization for Women (NOW).
She died in 2006.

No woman knows where her search for self fulfillment will take her.
No woman starts that search today without struggle, conflict, and taking her courage in her hands.
Maybe growth does not come without conflict.
When every woman learns to listen without fear to the voice inside her, instead of smothering it, it may lead - perhaps even more surely than rockets into space - to the next step in human evolution.

Who knows what women can be when they are finally free to become themselves???
Who knows what women's intelligence will contribute when it can be nourished without denying love?
Who knows what sons and daughters will become when their mother's fulfillment makes girls so sure they want to be feminine that they no longer have to look like Marilyn Monroe to prove it, and makes boys so unafraid of women they don't have to worry about their masculinity??
Who knows the possibilities of love, when men and women share not only children, home and garden, not only fulfillment of their biological role, but the separate human  knowledge of separate human beings??"

Fat... .Fatter....Fattest!

So I'll probably get slaughtered by some people for this....And others will just think I'm plain evil.
Oh well.............Same script I guess. Lol:-)
They can't hate me more than they already do!:-)

So I have decided that I'm no longer going to refer to people as being 'Big', or 'Voluptuous', or 'Plus Size'..........
Why??? you may ask....
Because all those terms are a cop out!
They are all just FAT. Yes i said it......and guess what, that includes myself......I'm not happy about it, but I'm not ashamed to admit it, and yes I would like to do something to remedy that situation.

The trainer at the gym today cringed when I said I was fat. He tried to correct me and and say that I shouldn't use that word. Lol. I told him I needed to use that word precisely for the reason that, if I wanted a change in my appearance and health levels, then I would need to hear the truth.

So you see, I think, it's actually counterproductive to use all those cop-out phrases I mentioned. It gives people a false sense of well being, a false sense of security....

You are what you eat. and I had the good fortune of having a very health conscious mother. So I grew up watching her exercise constantly, get us to be active, and get us to eat our vegetables and salads with every meal. She is the REAL Suburban Barbie, and I really hope, wish and pray that I age as gracefully as she is........but she didn't stuff her face every 2 hours with a muffin did she??....No....So I have to come to terms with the truth.
I am, what I eat....
And I eat a whole bunch of things that make me fat.
And I'm fat not by chance, or not because of crazy food additives in the food nowadays, or not by genetics, or for whatever other reason people always find as an excuse to justify their situation.......
I'm fat because I eat more than I need.

The first 2 weeks that I spent in the land of Obama was actually very depressing and stressful...because everywhere I went, all I could see was fat men and women waddling along.......everywhere!..Adults and children too........
If I should point this out, they would all get upset (as people here do ever so often!), and tell me (the foreigner) to probably pack my bags and go back where I came from (as they like to say).
But it really terrified me......and continues to terrify me.....
People are FAT. And I have a pretty good chance of turning into one of them if there is no intervention.

I watched my maternal grandmother, who had raised me, fall ill and die within a couple of months from complications due to diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, chronic kidney failure..........the works!
After she passed away, our diet at home was even more conscious...and i was super active then.......
I have since fallen off the wagon.

People think that my quest to be a certain size is all probably to do with looking good in a sexy bikini or something frivolous of that nature..........My quest to be a certain size is a very real life or death situation for me....
That's how i see it.
If only other people would see it that way.
Some people may argue that we are all going to die anyway.....but then my training as a health provider has also showed me that people can suffer for years from chronic illnesses solely based upon the activity that happens between your mouth and hands............

So I have pretty good chances of remedying this situation.
I don't drink alcohol, or smoke...therefore my ills are inactivity and increased weight, and yes, my BMI falls in fat zone for now (overweight).
There is constant talk here of the crazy obesity levels......the first lady is in this massive campaign to get kids to eat right because of the levels of childhood obesity...........but yet, no one says it just as it should be said, because people here are so obsessed with the thoughts of not hurting other people's feelings (though they would not hesitate to tell me to pack my bags and go back where I came from).........
Bottom line is, YES you are FAT, and you are FAT because you eat too much! So eat less, and get moving.

The first way to change your situation, is acceptance.
And without acceptance, there will be no real realization, no motivation to have a different scenario....
And you cannot accept something if you don't see that there is a problem in the first place. So sugar coating things will not help in changing the situation.

Some friends thought I was probably being funny by refusing to be 'politically correct' about fat people....And there will be some people who will think I'm picking on fat people.......You see, with the proportion of people here, even me, who is currently overweight, still appears to be much smaller than everyone else, and hence giving me a false sense of security too...So you see, they will never see ME as being fat, and they will think I'm picking on THEM and being insensitive.
As I said before, some things need to be said as it is.
I believe as woman, we should celebrate our different body types and shapes, but that doesn't translate into celebrating a health risk....You CAN be full of curves, and NOT be fat....The 2 are not synonymous.


So lifestyle change, here I am!

Do all things come in boxes???

"Would you consider yourselves an Inter-racial couple??"
Up until that question was posed to me, I hadn't actually thought about it......seems funny...but I hadn't really thought about it.....but what does it matter??
My husband is African American, and I am half-Indian and half-Somali ethnicity-wise, AND from Kenya.....
So are we an interracial couple?? Considering that phenotypically, I'm just a normal black woman? :-)

Talking to a gentleman at the department of Immigration gave me a bit of leeway with my kinda thinking luckily.
I asked him, what I should tick, with all those never ending forms that I've had to fill regarding ethnicity??
He said even he doesn't know what to tick because he's from Puerto Rico and doesn't fit into any category available! lolol. And as he rightfully said, it doesn't matter anyway.

I personally think, we human beings are obsessed with categorizing ourselves into every shape and form that we can think of, and somehow for whatever reason that gives us a comfort level.
I've never been at a level where I want to give someone a comfort level.
I want to be as different as can be.

This defiance didn't just come about right away however....It had to be slowly built after years of being in the front line of a constant stream of questioning....
Growing up was not easy....not easy in the least....with nowhere to really fit it, it took me more than 20 years to define who I was, and who I wanted to be.

Since there's a section of Somalis that do not consider themselves African, there is much confusion as to what people actually consider my father's people......African or not? Arab/not? or just Somali!
And since I didn't have a mother with 'ethnic African' roots anyway, my claim on being African, on being Kenyan, was always questioned.....always.
See in Africa, there's always the question of where your rural home is. And seeing that I was raised in the city and knew no other home, it was deemed that i was not really belonging to the land.
Where is your father from? Nairobi.
Where is your mother from? Nairobi.
No! you cannot be from Nairobi................where are you REALLY from???

From a very young age, this question puzzled me.
Every school holiday, most of my friends would go upcountry to their respective villages to visit their extended family.....they would go HOME.
But I never had such a 'home' per se.... My father was orphaned when young. His siblings were in the city along with us. My mothers family was also all in the city, and at that time, there was no concept of Afro-Asians. Despite being a 3rd generation Kenyan, my mother would always still be considered not African. So where was I meant to say I am from??
I never knew how to answer that question.

Then there was the phenotype issue.
The Somalis welcomed me, because I looked like them. but rejected my sisters (well, not verbally, but you could always see it) because they reminded my father's family that our mother was indeed an Indian, and not from coveted Somali bloodline.
The Indians on the other hand rejected me, and welcomed my sisters. My siblings would fit in better with them. I was just too much a shade darker for them to be comfortable with me. And in a society where being lighter skinned is what is defined as the standard of beauty, you can imagine how difficult it was to be consistently judged as the the ugly duckling.

So there you go.....
The Somalis wanted me, but would still always refer to me as the one with the Indian mother..and that rubbed me the wrong way.
The Indians didn't want me.
The rest of my fellow Kenyans didn't see me as a Kenyan...or as being a 'real' African.

So i grew up in a zone here and there, looking for others like myself....others who are displaced from society.

Going to Europe was a relief and a respite. There were no questions there, unless I ran into either one of my biological ethnic groups, then the quizzing began. Who is your father? Who is your mother? Which village are you from? etc etc etc.....
The formula never changes.....
But other than those few instances, it was a real relief. Nobody really CARED what I was and where I was from! Oh the joy......perhaps it is why I was so comfortable there. I never had to deal with that......gave my brain a break.

Moving to the Middle East brought back the all to familiar questions........Aargh!
Where are you from? No, where is you asli (origin)? Where is your mother from? Where is your father from?
Your mother married a black man? There were no Indian men there for her to marry???
The Middle East was a whole new level.
Other than the usual where are you from tirades, they mixed it with the racist colour issues as well.
Exasperating.
Worst of all is, the answers to all those questions are what determines whether you get a job, or good service anywhere, or just about anything done....
Actually worst was when my husband used to be constantly asked by Arabs as to why he married an African woman, when he has the chance to marry a white one, so that he can improve the colour of his children.........!!!
Their issues in that part of the world are just a little too deep for me....

So here I am now....with a whole new set of boxes to tick...this time not mentally, but also in every form that ever comes my way.....what it my ethnicity?
I still don't know the answer to that question.

They assume......
A lot of people do that round the world too, but here it's accentuated....and even when Americans leave their country, they carry that mind set with them. I don't think they are even aware that they do it.

For the most part however, there has been nothing unpleasant so far...or perhaps I'm comparing it with the Saudi Arabia where i just came from, and it would take a lot for anywhere else to reach that level of nastiness.
But really it hasn't been negative.
Just that people have been curious. and because they are so used to putting everyone in a box somehow, they just can't seem to figure me out.

As I said, it took me 20+ years to define who I was, and who I wanted to be.
And I consciously REFUSE to see colour. I refuse to.
I see people.
And just as I don't want people to put me in some box and assume things about me based on what they perceive I should be, I consciously make the effort not to do the same to others.

Why are we so afraid of people different from us?
Why do we feel threatened...uncomfortable....uneasy??
Why are we always striving to put everyone in some sort of category? whether it's tribes, skin colour, religious beliefs, ethnicities, body sizes.....you name it.
Countless times I get the most ridiculous questions and statements ever....like:
"Are you really Somali? but you speak such good English!"
"Wow, you are a very different Muslim. you are so easy going and tolerant to other people."
"Interesting, you seem to fit right into western society. I thought coming from Africa, this would be overwhelming for you."
"You should have married a Somali, and not DILUTED your blood any further"...!!!
And it goes on...........

I would like everyone to do an experiment...and see how many times a day, that you do categorize a person without a second thought? Without even getting to know them first.....how many times do you put a person in a box??? and WHY??

Is Bigger....Better???

Chronicles of the New World i think have finally started.....
The past 3 weeks have been ultra interesting....sometimes amusing, sometimes perplexing....mostly amusing thankfully.....:-)

I now understand why my hubby found England and everything in it small......because I am experiencing the reverse mental shot now....
Everything is big.......and by big, i mean BIGGGG.....

Of course there's certain advantages to having some aspects of things in a ginormous size....
The roads are wide and spacious....so i guess I'll never have to be paranoid about another car being too close to me, plus, it makes it seem like traffic is non-existent....well at least in my mind (and if you have ever sat in traffic in Nairobi, you will find traffic here non-existent, believe me!).....

So the movie theatre chairs are also big and comfy, and just right for my ample African behind.
The TVs are big too, so I suppose you can have a whole home cinema feel at no extra cost.....

But then, here we go.....I never finish my food at restaurants!...and if you know my love for food, you will see how this distresses me.
So my refrigerator is now full of little take-home food boxes from several restaurants...evidence that I could not finish my meal at the initial designated venue......
The drinks are super big too......necessitating frequent trips to the bathroom from a complaining bladder that is not accustomed to such volumes.....and we all know how I feel about public bathrooms! Ha!

And the thing is, the evidence of where all the food goes is all around us.........
I just wonder......don't they see it as well??
I know I'm far from small in size, in all proportions.....so when I'm around people and I feel small most of the time.........there's a problem!

I see walking heart attacks, hypertensives and diabetics everywhere, and it worries me that I might be dragged into a false sense of  well being.....you know, like, so long as I'm not as big as them then I'm okay......NOT!

The cars are big too, hence more comfortable to sit in...but then more carbon emissions some would argue.....and we all complain about changing weather patterns and adverse climate conditions...

Love the fact that the ice creams cones are towers of joy....but then looking at the waist line brings all the misery back......

My impression about here was always that, that things are seen to be better when they are bigger....have to outdo everyone else in the world I suppose....have to dwarf everything else.

But then where do we draw the line???
My new city was listed as the most obese in the previous year apparently....should i be worried? hell yeah!
I spent many years seeing people suffer because of  lack of food..........so how can I reconcile myself with unnecessary monumental amounts of food on plates either going down people's throats, or left to be thrown away in the garbage cans?

Should i see it as luxury and indulge??
Or should i see it was gluttony and wastefulness?
Time will tell.

The B factor...

How do i start....?
We all know about it....
We all sometimes allude to it....
But we never really talk about it.

Why do women hate other women??
Ok...maybe hate is a strong word....
Perhaps we can replace that with a contempt of sorts....

But really...why??
Some call it jealousy...others call it rivalry...others call it simply what it really is, being a B.

When we are young girls, it's passed off as being rivalry....
These are seedlings that will grow into huge baobab trees, living forever, and growing deeper roots with each passing year.
I don't think it's really given its true importance and recognition, and perhaps if it was, and stopped in its tracks as children, then we might have a different picture as adults.

We all live with the adage that women are always mean to other women.
Its a known factor isn't it??
One minute she'll be smiling with the man infront of you, then turn to you and give you a scowl.
Like, what did i do to you??
Have the perfect amiable demanour with a man, and just be downright nasty to another woman.
Full of scorn.
Full of some undefined bitterness.

Its something I've never understood.
And secretly, many women prefer to deal with men instead, be it at work, in stores, or even as friends.
How many times have you heard someone say, it's just less drama.....

Why do we look at other women through this prism?
As competition. As something to stomp on.
Why can't we be happy for other women in their successes and accomplishments?
Why are we always trying to tear each other down??

We are always whining about it being a hard world for women...that we live in a patriachal society...that we are never given our rights as human beings....that we have more obstacles being viewed as the weaker sex...
But do we ever really realize and acknowledge that our own true enemy is ourselves??

If i look at another woman and admire her beautiful dress, then turn around in the same millisecond and hate on her for having it.....how will that change my own personal situation for the lack of that dress in my own wardrobe??
And this extends to everything....be it a good job, a nice house, a wonderful husband, delightful children, swanky car, amazing holiday, gorgeous jewellary, beautiful hair, sexy shoes......you name it!

We are always trying to put a dent into another womans world...
Why??
Does that really make us truly feel more validated with our lives?
Or the lack of what's in it??

By tearing another woman down, will that change and make better the situation we ourselves are in...??
situations that we allow ourselves to stay in?
situations that we chose for ourselves?

By hating on another woman, does that make you feel better?
make you feel like you have now achieved something??
is that the answer then?

My perception has always been it's downright pathetic...and very pitiful.
Recognize your self esteem issues and work on them, instead of projecting them onto every female you come across.
And like many others, i choose to stay away from all the drama....
Away from the B factor.

Family Matters

One month just flew by.....hardly noticed it as it slipped away.
I guess time flies when you're having fun...or when you're just super busy! Ha!:-)

Being home the first week was just like looking into the past, slipped right back into daughter/sister/niece role, and then when The Mr. arrived, I was brought back into the present...
I think I prefer the present. Apparently I acquired a new status and form of respect as the Mrs. of somebody!:-) Lol.

So all and sundry descended upon the Land of Cool Waters (a.k.a Nairobi) to be part of two people coming together as one.
Old relations, old stories, new inclusions, new stories....like a huge bubbling melting pot.
Old squabbles forgotten and forgiven...new ones in the making:-)

Whether we like them or not, as we all say regularly, they are our families.
But then again, do we think, what and who would we be if these individuals were not in our lives??

You see, granted, friends are the family we choose....and we choose them, because they have common interests as us, or they have similar ideals, outlooks, perceptions, thoughts, actions, words, dreams..........you name it....BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
So it's easier to be around them...
It's not a challenge...
It's not going to push us to the edge...take us out of our comfort zones...

Then there's family.....!
Half the time, you think, if i had a choice, this wouldn't be my family!:-)
You're born, thrown in with a bunch of people who may or may not understand you....or half the time couldnt be bothered to....
and you all JUST HAVE TO GET ALONG...SOMEHOW....
Right??
Riiiiiiiiiiight!

But isn't that the true test then???
These people who have been around you since time immemorial,
Who probably think most of the stuff you've done is dumb anyway,
Who cheered you whenever possible regardless,
Who fought you tooth and nail as you were taking steps towards jumping off a cliff......
These very same people.......who may not even LIKE you....but despite that, still LOVE you...
These very same people we always THINK we would like to replace.....
These very same people......OUR FAMILIES.

We wouldn't be us, if it wasn't for our families...be it the good, the bad, the ugly, or the real pretty.
They are the ones who truely shape us into what we are as grown beings.
They have nothing to gain, nothing to lose...but are still there regardless.

To my family...old and new....this is for you.

Unpaused........

So my lovely national carrier caused me to remain an extra four hours in the Gulf....just when I very badly wanted to get out of there....trust me, i was least amused...
Stuck....In transit.....

Airports are interesting places though..........a whole melting pot of people from all over the globe. Human beings, so diverse, yet so very much the same in so many ways.
So a journey begins, and then you get suspended somewhere for a time, waiting for your next boarding time, waiting to continue on with the next phase of your journey.

And in a funny way, such is life..........if you really think about it.

Have you ever had times when there were moments at a stretch where you were just sort of existing, stuck in some sort of limbo, finding your way, not really sure.....not really living???
Thinking.
Deciding.
Weighing options.
Analyzing.
Contemplating.

I moved from the life of a Ferrari on the superhighway, to that of a donkey ride, gently plodding along the dirt road. It seemed that i had come to a stop, not realizing i was still moving along, just at a different pace.
And more importantly, I was still moving along, just that the world had gone on pause.

Some people climb mountains....others take sabbaticals....others go sit in a cave somewhere.....I decide to move to the Middle East.....and my world went on pause.
Because of the change in pace, for a time it did really feel like i was just existing.
I think humans really are just creatures of habit...we don't appreciate change.
Sometimes we are just too scared of change, or of confronting ourselves, or of breaking away from the norm.
It took a while to realize it was a golden opportunity...
To think.
To analyze.
To plan.
To introspect.
TO APPRECIATE.

Through change, we grow....and when we grow, only then do we truly live.

And so today, as I zoomed around in my mothers car...going down roads all too familiar....walking through malls that i can navigate blind folded....appreciating all the sights, sounds and smells...all I could do was smile.
I have changed...but all around me still was the same.
It still was all there, just as I left it.
And that's what we all don't realize. It will always still be there, be the same, when we get back to it.
Like old friends meeting again.....my world is now unpaused.

Bitter Sweet Goodbyes

"You speak English!!!"
And that was the day i made my first friend in the desert.

You see, it had been over TWO months now, and i really had not spent quality time with another human being other than the better half.
I had made the random acquaintances, but these were people so far removed from my reality, that we might have as well have been living on different planets.
Many times i really thought we did.
People who did not understand why i wanted to study and work, or earn my own money, or drive myself around for that matter. I mean, why would you want all that when you can have everything done for you??
That was the rationale that didn't quite seem to connect with my own gray matter.

Two weeks after arriving in the desert, I broke down like i was at a funeral. And that came with the realization that the ONLY person that i had spoken to at all in those two weeks, was the very same person that i went to bed with every night.
The better half was at a loss of what to do. Poor thing. He didn't know how to stop me disintegrating......to make it all better.
The hugs did help however:-)
One if his best suggestions was that I join the women's gym!
Hurray!:-) Somewhere where i could meet people, and give me something to look forward to everyday.
After one week of constant uncomfortable stares (I was after all, the only dark skinned woman in that place and hence supposedly out of place)...and a super language barrier, it was like a voice from above, my ears couldn't believe it....
"You speak English!!!"
That one sentence changed my whole life.

And so like a little lost puppy, I was now found, by my own kind.

To my utter surprise, there were loads of Non-Arab English speaking ladies, nicely tucked away in villas with high walls.
Suddenly, I could breathe again:-)
Real human contact.
They took me into their world, and i ceased being a bystander in their society. I was now part of it all. And what a ride it was!

To say that i felt like a nurtured baby when i was with them is an understatement.
And these bunch of voracious ladies saved many from a literal insanity spree.
To be able to give your opinion without crushing fragile egos....
To be able to laugh out loud till you're out of breathe....
To be able to dance like a scarecrow without a care in the world....
To be able to hug someone and feel the warmth in their hearts....
To be as free as a bird for a limited time and space.

They were my true oasis.
And as i parted from them, my heart ached, for they will never truly know how much love and appreciation I hold for them.

My sisters in the desert....This one is dedicated to you.

Of All Things........Bathroom!

So I've been invited over for a final girls' night out at a friends house tonight.
And ironically, a thought that never fails to enter my head is, Don't forget to go to the bathroom before you leave home!
And I'm not saying this to a child like a parent would....I'm saying this to..myself.
It's not even a conscious active thought anymore, just somewhere in the recesses of my brain.

You see, i have this thing with bathrooms.
And over the years I've tried to psychoanalyze it....and I've come to the conclusion, it's all my parents' fault!
Aha, blame the parents, easy right?
But actually, I'm serious....See, both my parents have OCD...that's obsessive compulsive disorder for those not in the know. And both mum and dad are neat freaks....Their bathroom was just a no-no go zone! If you used it, you had to leave it JUST AS YOU FOUND IT!!!......And I'm not even kidding about that. Lol.
So, us, their poor children, having both forces of nurture and nature combined.........Results, in all my issues Bathroom!

We must have driven my mother crazy, because as kids, we would never....and i repeat, Never, use a bathroom outside home unless we really couldn't help it. It was that bad.
If we couldn't hold it, we had to go home. LOL.
A few scary experiences is what led us to the above situation.
The home situation was that of nice clean bathrooms. And we never had grandparents in some village somewhere, to expose us to a different way of things. Our grandparents were right there in the city with us, and had nice clean bathrooms too.
So having to visit friends or other relatives outside the city, or in areas of the city less desirable.........Ummmmmm.......there was going to be a problem.

Let's start with the relatives within the city, but who did not have a constant supply of water. You could smell the bathroom, 5 miles away.
So that option could be struck off the list right away.

Then the other relatives who had not yet had the opportunity to embrace technology....whose houses were ancient beyond written history.......I remember the first time i went to such a bathroom.....there was no bathroom/toilet.....there was a hole in the ground.
Now picture little miss perfect barbie, with my horrified look, asking, "what is that?!"
THAT was not happening!

Going out of the city was even more of a bathroom adventure.
The bathrooms were not even located in the houses!
"Mum, where have you brought us!?"
Confusion and horror is all that would keep streaming through the brain.:-)

Let's not even talk about the train journeys we had to take from Nairobi down to the Kenyan Coast......the toilets on board, are more of the, hole in the tracks affair!

So, my life routine was always, use toilet before leaving home, use toilet after getting back home.
Don't drink too much fluids when out, and ONLY use bathroom IF it is a dire emergency.
And even that would mean spending the first 5 minutes or so, trying to wipe everything down, then laying tissue paper down all over the seat, before i get to work. hahahaha.......
And some of you can't deny you have done the above either!.....I always have at least 2 packets of tissue in my handbag for all the above activities.
That's worked perfectly well for 20+ years now, with none the wiser to my bathroom phobia.

I'd even come to sort of relax about it all, easing up a bit with all the anxiety attached to using bathrooms that were not in whichever home i was living in. UNTIL i came to the desert. And alllllllllll those childhood nightmares were re-lived all over again.
I don't know what it is about people in this part of the world and their lack of bathroom etiquette. I really just don't get it. Not like they don't have the facilities.
Baffles the hubby everyday!
The magic tricks and action stunts people pull while trying to use the toilet, leave a lot to the imagination! I think those who do not know that toilet can be sat on nowadays, still want to squat on top of the seats..............try aiming right from that position and see the results!
It's just a complete and utter mess, smells horrible, wet floors, and all sorts of other things everywhere. Gives me the shivers...literally.
You do not want to use a public bathroom here!
Recipe for a complete and utter heart stopping nightmare for me.

I think this is why i secretly have always wanted to be Japanese.
Aren't they just so clean!

Ironically, next door, in UAE, most bathrooms are always clean!

After i got married, one of the very first things i did was set up the bathroom right.....In all my unbound joy, i went and bought new towels and toilet accessories. Got to have my pot-pourri and my candles, plus my lovely looking printed toilet paper.....:-) This and that, and more!
The hubby took one look and said, "Stop feminizing my house!"

I feminized his house:-)

The Desperate Housewife

Yanbu Al-Sinaiyah...............
Never heard of it, until my then fiance mentioned it.
Industrial city, western part of Saudi Arabia, right on the Red Sea, largest oil drill in the country.
Hmmm.....not bad....or so i thought.

I came to Saudi with some measure of hope....that the innate arabinism (is that a word? lol) would be overridden by the principles of Islam. After all, this is the birthplace of Islam isn't it? Of equality, honesty, justice, tolerance, compassion....and all those things that make you go warm inside........
I quickly came to realize........NOT.
First shocker was, contracts are not really honoured, so the verbal contract i had with the major hospital here all but went up in a sand storm me thinks.
They didn't like how i looked it turns out....I had too much of a tan for their liking.....I might scare the patients.....
Neither did they like the sight of my passport...it had 'dark continent' written all over it...Surely, i must think like a monkey if i come from that end, don't i?
Sigh.

I got used to being driven around by my chauffeur....oops, read that as being the hubby....
And i got used to sitting around doing nothing much for days on end........days merged into nights and nights merged into days.
I sometimes felt i must be in a nut house.
Maybe I've been incarcerated and i don't know.

So.....how did the desperate housewives do it then??
I may be in no Wisteria Lane, but Plan B was going into swift action.......Going grocery shopping at 10pm in super high heels just makes my day:-)
It really does have a high of its own. Try it!
Call it a coping mechanism....I call it spicing up my life.
And here we go, started the run-ins with the Arabs. LOL.
I had now totally challenged their way of life......from walking around in colourful clothes, with my face uncovered and lo and behold, make-up on(!), to speaking out loud wherever i was, and EVEN bending over to reach for something at the bottom shelf in the store.
How scandalous!
can her husband be a man and take control of her??
Their society was going to the dogs with my wanton display with what they all deemed was arrogance. And how dare a Non-Arab woman of colour lock horns with the Bedouins of the desert?
Their first encounter with a true lioness of Africa me thinks.

Life pretty much turned into a Tom-Jerry situation....raising of eyebrows and constant stares.
All the more to feed the ego.
I am the star of my very own reality show.
Countless other women have been cowed down into submission with their ways......I still refuse to bow down to anyone other than the Almighty.
And so i forge ahead.

The Desperate Housewife of Yanbu Al-Sinaiyah lives to wreck havoc another day!....:-)))

Madinah madinah....

Spending the last weekend in the city of Madinah was kinda bitter sweet for me...
Having lived here in Saudi Arabia for 9 months now, i couldn't wait to leave....yet being in Madinah, at the same time, i was sad to leave.

Madinah is a city in the western region of Saudi. the 2nd most holy city for muslims.
It was the birth place of the Islamic society and is also where Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was buried. There is a huge mosque built right next to the Prophet's grave, and is known as the 'Prophet's mosque'.
Out of all the places in Saudi, Madinah is known for its warm hospitality.....for the people being 'different'...for there being a sense of peace in the air....
and it truely is all that, and more........so unlike the rest of the Kingdom.
I felt all of that from the very first time that i went to Madinah.
A sense of inner peace. And i felt the same feeling wash over me as i made my last prayer there.
Saying goodbye this past weekend was a mixture of emotions.

My husband has been working here in Saudi....he decided to try it out...and so after we got married, i decided to try it out.
I wanted to experience life here for myself....to see whether all the movies and books were on point or not.
And as a muslim, to come to the birth place of my faith, was a journey many other muslims wish for everyday. So i took the plunge. As i do with everything else in life:-) I've survived fairly well i think so far.

Life in the desert has had its moments....beautiful friendships set in the midst of all the xenophobia around. Its a place of 2 extremes....the very same people who will be ultra warm and gracious in their homes, will be the very same people who will not return your greeting on the street......
It never makes sense to me.

As i spend the next couple of days packing up all our possessions, thoughts and emotions run through me unabound.

Here goes nothing...

I've never tried blogging before....never thought i had the flow of words to stick to it and make it worthwhile, but friends tell me differently.. :-)

A little bit about myself.....I am a medical practitioner, originally from East Africa, currently living in the Middle East....about to celebrate my one year anniversary with my husband.
Currently being a desperate housewife in the desert, seriously hoping to get an oasis soon.
And also, currently contemplating what it means to have been on this planet for almost 3 decades....

Life has taken me places i never thought i'd ever get to, and down paths that were sometimes too dimly lit to see what's infront of me....but somehow, there was always a corner to turn to when things got pitch black........and i am scared of the dark by the way!

I think for every 1 word my husband uses, I use 10, so I'm sure I will find something to say at some point.......i hope!
Stick around, and jump into my crazy unpredictable life.