Things that make you go Hmmmm.........

So I had my hmmmmmmm moment....
And my body has finally won and I lose.
I am actually tired.
Like physically and mentally exhausted.
Unable-to-function-at-maddening-speeds kinda exhaustion.

Why would that be a surprise one would think?
LOL. To my mind it is.

Because I am such a go go GO person all the time!
Which is my downfall.
I need to learn how to relax.
Take a break.

I finally caved in because I realized that I'm doing much of nothing for the past few days.
With much amusement, I had to acknowledge that what I am feeling is merely fatigue!
Gasp.
Could it be?
How ridiculous.
You mean I'm human after all.
Sometimes reality checks are the best. :-)

I have had a super crazy 5 months. With no break.
My career at the moment is like  a Formula One race track.
Thoroughly and completely enjoy it....................However.

And no break because my social calendar has been as mad as my professional one.
I feel truly blessed to have wonderful friends and family filling my life................But.

Three months ago, I joked about this with a colleague of mine.
And we drew up a plan.
I would finally be able to bum and relax in October.
O.C.T.O.B.E.R.
This was 3 months ago remember.
A month after our strategist meeting, I had to readjust the plan and realize a break would come in November.
So I paced myself.
It was either that.........Or I clone myself.........Which I gave serious thought to at some point!
I can do this, I told myself.
It's just like a marathon........(Please note that I have NEVER ran a marathon, so I'm one to speak!)

Today I was looking at my calendar and mentally psyching myself up.
Marathon remember??
You can do this Barbie......
All with a click of the heels and smile on the face at all times.
Oh I'm smiling alright.....which is a good thing.
But I am merely laughing at myself.

Sometimes we all at some point think we are superhuman......
Or maybe it's just Perfect Melancholics and Type A Personalities.....
I tend to fall into both groups at some point.
Back to thinking we are super human..........When we clearly are not.
Sometimes the lines between fantasy and reality get blurred.....
And yet I pride myself in being a realist................Humph!

I am so fortunate to have friends who understand I need a breather, and don't take it personal when I fall off the radar.......
Or cancel my dates with them.
Or take forever to respond to emails, text messages, voice mails.
I also feel very blessed to have people who care enough to pop in and check if all is well, and I've not been flattened by a boulder in the midst of it all........
And then promptly let me carry on with my maddening life. :-)

 But I do recognise that I need time to slow down....

Times to soak up the sun and enjoy the air.
Times to do nothing but play with my toes, and eat a chocolate bar.
Time to remember to book a manicure, pedicure, facial and massage. :-)
Time to hold my husband's hand and cook his favourite dish.
Time to laugh at nothing and everything.

After all, Measured Time Is All We Truly Have.

Baby Baby OH Baby Once Again.....

So seems like everyone and their sister wants me to become preggers.
Real life comedy situations seem to present themselves to me for free :-)

A big bunch of my friends are not knowingly…..Or maybe knowingly…..Really trying to cheer me on to get knocked up.
Apparently I am not doing what should be the natural thing to do once you get married…..
Have babies!

The funny thing that I have noticed is….
The suggestions……questions…….gentle prodding…....are actually all coming from my friends, in an age group +/- 5 years from me.
There’s a certain age radius for sure.

On the other hand, every other woman that I’ve met who is at least a decade of two older than me, is telling me to take my time!
Enjoy life and my marriage before little ones come.
I hear that over and over from older women.
Wasn’t being older meant to be result in being wiser??

Who would you seek advice from then? :-)

Not that I’m ever bothered by people’s suggestions :-)
I always do tend to do things when I’m ready for them myself……..And the thing is, all my friends know this about me!
But they persist.
And I truly wonder why. :-)
Is it because the age-set/group that I’m in is feeling their biological clock ticking.
Is it a transference of maternal instincts??
As 2 of my friends have told me in the past one week, they are still at the stage of looking for the father of their future children, while I’ve already solved that puzzle….
So what am I waiting for??

Interesting question.
Interesting perspective.
Both women live in different cities from me, and have threatened that I should be ready with a baby bump the next time they see me!
Their well wishes are rather cute :-)…I don’t take that fact away.
And God willing they eventually get their wish….One day!

But I just wonder if we ever stop to think of why we do things?
Especially humongous life changing things.
Because everyone is doing them?
Because it’s the RIGHT time to do it?
Because it’s the expected thing to do at the certain time and/or situation?
Because it’s part of the overall blueprint of life?
A lot of the responses to those questions can be very relative to the individual.
Or are they really?

I truly love children.
I think they are an absolute joy.
And I’ve loved being an aunt :-)
Even though I was recently accused of not having maternal instincts! Ha! :-) (I told you life presents me with free comedy.)
But back to my questions above?
When do you decide is the right time for someone else?
Or if there is a right time at all?
Or if people want children at all?
Or if people CAN have children at all?

I ask these questions not in the least for my benefit.
As I said, I do things on my clock, schedule, timetable and mood. :-)
But I ask them thinking of all those women who are in the same social pressure situation that I am in and many have difference circumstances that no one talks about, or considers.

I think of women who may not have wanted the mother-role and got pushed into it because it was the‘expected’ thing to do.
Or for those women who languish in misery and feel like failures because they cannot have children, have fertility issues, have nightmare pregnancies……….
All in a bid to prove what??

Do we ever think of the subtle messages and pressure and suffering that we may be putting upon others not knowing their situation???
It may seem like great intention and good fun to do so, because for most people having children is a happy time, a continuous joy…….
But when have we all ever fitted in one box when it comes to anything?
Simple…..

N.E.V.E.R.

Next time, just take a minute to think about it, whether it’s the baby issue, or the ‘when are you two going to get married’ question, or whatever…..

Not everyone is as vocal as some of us…...

So just take a minute out to consider and find a tactful way to find out maybe what the person feels about it all…what their situation is….first, before undertaking declarations and pronunciations.

And as for me, you can continue bugging the lights out of me :-)
I like to do things with a bang….. :-) 

So it will be when you least expect it!

C'est Magnifique!

 Many moons ago when I was in high school (no numbers necessary), I took French classes.
Partly because it was a choice between French or Business studies, which I found an absolute bore….
And partly because I always envisioned that I would eventually live somewhere in Europe and so it would come in handy one day.

Europe didn’t happen clearly…well not the French speaking sector.
But I guess I never thought that I would somehow end up in French speaking Canada…..which might as well be in Europe! :-)

I’ve now had to travel to Montreal a couple of times for work, and by the time I leave, my head is swimming in French vocabulaire.

Montreal fascinates me……
More so because it literally is just an hour’s flight from home in Good Old America (insert southern accent here), but it really is literally a world away in so many ways.
Navigating the place has actually not been that terribly difficult.
I can manage addresses and directions and small talk, and reading things, until someone calls my bluff and goes into a whole conversation mode….and then my brain stops :-)
And only starts working once more if pushed into emergency mode, like when your taxi driver does not speak anything else and has no idea where he should be taking you.
Suddenly all the French in me comes out!

There’s plenty of people who do speak English however, but woe unto you if you decide to make that your lingua franca while there.
I had the misfortune of getting tongue-tied while trying to order my lunch the other day. For the life of me, I could not describe what I wanted to be included in my sandwich……

And so I did what I shouldn’t have….
I. Switched. Into. English.
 

The lady behind the counter……much older, tres francais madame, had a moment…..
Sharp intake of breathe
Pursed her lips....
And literally almost had a coronary!
The look of surprise, shock, anger, disgust, disappointment all flashed through her in sequence.
You could literally see it all.
Fascinating to watch.

I guess it didn't help that all I wanted to do, was burst into laughter.

It’s like time and everything in the lunch room just stood still.
Eventually she composed herself…..But she would not speak to me again.
She communicated to me in sign language! 

The thing is, I know she knew English because she was understanding me perfectly well!
The situation was so comical…..but not uncommon on the least......Straight out of a movie!

The first time I went to the province of Quebec, I went with one of my colleagues.
After we landed, it was the funniest thing to notice that everyone spoke in English to her at the airport, and then turned to me and spoke in French.
We were both confused.
Not wanting to run out of good graces, I didn’t object and replied appropriately, but wondered what was going on.
Once outside the airport, it all fell into place.
Women with headscarves everywhere in the city.
Women mainly from West and North Africa.
Women who were francophone.
So the natural assumption apparently was that I was either from North or West Africa, or Haiti.
I was one of them.

Er….Not!

The situation has become highly comical to me :-)
But for the most part, my English-speaking self is treated wayyyyyyyyy better than any American visiting there.
There is little love for Les Americaines.

I now have a Algerian cab driver, who doubles as a fitness trainer apparently, and is currently my self-appointed French teacher and practice partner.
Note……Self-appointed.
He speaks perfect English, but says I have great potential to speak perfect Francais and it is his duty (note, duty) to enable me to do so.
I don’t know whether to laugh, or just shake my head, or just go with the flow.
So far I’ve done the last option :-)
He’s a great cabbie. Picks all his calls, and picks you up on time every time.
I have to say, he is great at teaching too. 

Very patient and encouraging. Since he won’t allow me to speak in English, he gives me time to look up words in my dictionaire and say what I want to say.
Getting stuck in Montreal traffic has produced highly amusing moments!

But as my cab driver cum French teacher says, It is not MY fault that Kenya was colonized by the English, and that I had the MISFORTUNE of being born Anglophone!!!
O.K.A.Y.
And THAT my dear people, is the Quebec way! :-)

Lioness's Den.....

The sheer beauty of the peace and quiet of a weekend morning.......
That should tell you that I don't live in Mommy's-ville yet......ha!

A little over a decade ago, I read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
I most probably need to read the book again now, for a better assessment and understanding of reality, but at that time my still adolescent mind totally thought I had grasped it all.
The book was beneficial at the time, in the sense, it got me to think.......Whether it was in the right direction of thought process is debatable.............But there was a thought process.....So we'll concentrate on the positive.

One of the things that struck me the most was how the author delved into the need for Men to have solitary time, as opposed to continuous male-bonding sessions...or just human contact in general.
He called it, the Cave-Man moments.
Where a man would need a time-out, to be by himself, process whatever he needs to.....
Mentally and emotionally work out what he needs to......
However big or small the problem may be.
Or there may not be a problem at all actually.....He just needs time to himself.
To think.
To reflect.
To just....BE.
And then re-emerge into the world, a stronger, more balanced human being....Ready to be the super-hero he is meant to be.

Women on the other hand...We are meant to be eternally social beings.
We need support of each other at all times (apparently).
We need AND WANT to have contact with others.
We share EVERYTHING.......And that is how we deal with issues in life.
Constant pretty butterflies....flying from one flower to the next.
Or so the author had summarized.

So maybe it's just me (but I highly doubt it)...
Or that perhaps in the last 2 decades since the book was written, women had acquired a higher level of testosterone within themselves......
But I no longer buy that concept.
Social entrapment at it's best.

You see, this is why I started by saying, when I read the book, I still had an adolescent mind.
Peer-pressure without even realizing it!
For a few years after that, I think I bought into that idea.
That I was supposed to be that way with others....constantly engaged.....because I am a woman.....
And that's what women are.......What women do....Always.....ALL THE TIME.

And so when I needed my own personal time-outs...It was virtually impossible for me to just SAY "I need my personal space and time"...
Impossible.
I'd make up all sorts of excuses....
Oh, I have to do this....
Oh, I am busy with that....
Just not able to say simply, "I respectfully decline your invite, but I just don't feel like being at a party", or, "I just need time to myself, rain-check, next time God willing".....
And majority of people....men and women.....who have also bought into that ideology....Do not realize that they have.
You run the high risk of being called Anti-Social...Just because you're not going nuts in excitement and clapping your hands at the thought of the next tea party to go to!
I personally have been told that perhaps I do not like people....several times.
Like....what is wrong with me?!

Truth is...........there is nothing wrong with me.
And I am so thankful to have grown up.........Because I know that fact with certainty!
Any grown woman will tell you how much they crave ME-TIME.
Nowadays....psychologists praise the need for me-time....for everybody!
But even with this 'new' knowledge....The archaic expectations and lack of understanding of women still prevail.

And yet.....
As women, we are torn into 2 billion pieces of ourselves everyday.....
Society's expectations of us are pretty darn high
Our roles are so highly complex.....whether at work or in our personal lives.....That you would think that we automatically earn and deserve.........wait for it.........REST.
We are famous for having the ability to multi-task......To be able to do it ALL at once.
But it seems we are soooo good at what we do and how we do it......
No one wants us to stop for a moment.
Ever.

It's like we are a different species...And not just human beings who also need AND want AND deserve time ourselves.
To relax....mentally, physically, emotionally.
Not to think....Or to think to my heart's content without interruption...If that's what I want.
To sit and stare at a blank wall all day....If that's what I want.
To dress up...If I want.
To dance in private...If I feel like it.
To stuff myself with (OMG) chocolate and ice cream......If that's what I want.
To expunge.
To exhale.
To let go.

To just have the freedom to BE...........UNINTERRUPTED.

I think that I must be very fortunate because when I got married, I discussed this with my darling husband.
And he totally agreed....And has been very supportive all along in my personal time-out sessions.
It works both ways...
And I am forever grateful.

So I propose a new wave.
The Lioness's Den.
Where every woman is entitled to have her time out.
Where it's OKAY to want to be by yourself.....to be in that mental space.
For a day...or two....or even a week....Or 2 hours, if that's all you can manage.
To do just want you want to do.
To be able to turn your phone off....If you want.
To be able to go shopping by yourself......Uninterrupted.....To purchase things for YOURSELF only.
To go watch whatever movie you want....alone.

To be able to sit and read a book in peace and quiet.
Prepare a meal to your satisfaction.....If cooking is your thing.
To go hiking.....
To sit on your couch all day...If that's what you want.
To take a dance class...once a week........
To imagine you're a princess somewhere....
To do yoga....
Meditate.
What-e-ver.
Without anyone feeling slighted, or wondering what's got into you.

To escape.
To have the freedom to do anything and everything you want to do at that moment, without the clutter of people around you....Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Without ANYONE else demanding anything from you.......for that moment.
Without being called selfish, anti-social, or weird.
To escape......for a little while.
To just be.
In the Lioness's Den.

New Year's Resolution.....

As I mentioned before…
This month has been one of deep introspection.
Firstly because of my birthday happening, and second because it has been the month of Ramadhan.
A month of fasting, of charity, and hopefully increase in piety.

I usually use Ramadhan as my ‘new year’.
Probably because it’s the time that I usually self evaluate.
Each year I give myself a challenge.
To rid myself of a vice and acquire a virtue instead.

Years ago, my goal remained the same for many years.
To learn patience (with myself and others) and self control.
To curb my temper and learn to be more tolerant and compassionate.

Sometimes I was on point, other times I failed miserably.
Each year, I reaffirm those very principles and start a new cycle to master them.
But it’s an ongoing struggle.
It will always be.

However, with this Ramadhan having coming to a close, I feel that I have somewhat done better over the past couple of years with the above and I need to add on a new one on the list.
So here I go.
Exhale.
I am going to try and curb my tongue.
 

I had to pick a super hard one right?!
Oh well, a decade older, a decade wiser! :-)
So maybe I’m ready to try and tackle this one!

It’s so ironic that I was such an introvert as a child.
Aloof, my mother said I was.
I never really voiced my thoughts and opinions.
And now as an adult, I think it’s a challenge to get me to keep quiet!

Looking back I see the several points where all of that changed and how it happened.
Not that it has been a bad thing, I just think there needs to be a level of modification.

A balance point.

As I learnt self confidence, I learnt that it was okay to express myself. Even if my outlook was different from others.
Secondly, while going through medical school, I had to forcefully learn how to talk in front of others.
It was never a challenge to converse with patients.
It was a challenge to speak up in front of colleagues.
Doctors are a super arrogant bunch :-) We are. End of Story.
Ok well, maybe not all. But a good majority!
You have to be confident, and somewhat assertive, for anyone to really take you seriously.
I realized somewhere along the way, that I had not gained the respect of my professional peers, because I never spoke up, and hence people thought I didn’t know anything!
Once I did however start speaking up, it was a new recognition.
I liked it.

So I started talking.
And talking.
And I haven’t stopped!

So this year, my new year’s resolution is to modify my speech.
One of the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is, if you have nothing good to say, be silent.

THAT is going to be my challenge.
To modify my speech, and keep it positive and productive hopefully.
Not that I now become a door mat and won’t give a tongue lashing to someone who totally deserves it, but I do want to start taking a few seconds to put some measure of thought in my speech.

We live in a world and a time where there is a phenomenal pressure of freedom of speech ideology.
This is a good thing, and a bad thing.
And I’ve seen how people in guise of freedom of speech, have ended up saying the most inappropriate things….At the most inappropriate times….Or even just looked plain stupid.
But they don’t realize it, since they believe they have the freedom of speech.

Listening to other people…the amount of garbage that comes out of people’s mouths is just incredible.

I do not want to be a part of the group.
 

So this has led me to examine myself and undertake this attempt at getting rid of what I see as a vice.
If we want a solution, we have to be part of it.
If I want people to stop saying dumb hurtful or stupid things, I have to be the first one to stop saying dumb hurtful and stupid things myself.

Good manners, which includes good speech, was one of the hallmarks of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
And so if I’m trying to be a better Muslim, I have to work towards embodying the excellence of character that SHOULD be the hallmark of every Muslim.
THAT is real Islam.
 

God willing I am successful of this new challenge I have given myself, because believe me, we don’t pay too much attention to ALL that we say, but if we really think about it, this is a hard one.
 

A little older, A little wiser :-)
And hopefully a little bit better at being a good human being.