C'est Magnifique!

 Many moons ago when I was in high school (no numbers necessary), I took French classes.
Partly because it was a choice between French or Business studies, which I found an absolute bore….
And partly because I always envisioned that I would eventually live somewhere in Europe and so it would come in handy one day.

Europe didn’t happen clearly…well not the French speaking sector.
But I guess I never thought that I would somehow end up in French speaking Canada…..which might as well be in Europe! :-)

I’ve now had to travel to Montreal a couple of times for work, and by the time I leave, my head is swimming in French vocabulaire.

Montreal fascinates me……
More so because it literally is just an hour’s flight from home in Good Old America (insert southern accent here), but it really is literally a world away in so many ways.
Navigating the place has actually not been that terribly difficult.
I can manage addresses and directions and small talk, and reading things, until someone calls my bluff and goes into a whole conversation mode….and then my brain stops :-)
And only starts working once more if pushed into emergency mode, like when your taxi driver does not speak anything else and has no idea where he should be taking you.
Suddenly all the French in me comes out!

There’s plenty of people who do speak English however, but woe unto you if you decide to make that your lingua franca while there.
I had the misfortune of getting tongue-tied while trying to order my lunch the other day. For the life of me, I could not describe what I wanted to be included in my sandwich……

And so I did what I shouldn’t have….
I. Switched. Into. English.
 

The lady behind the counter……much older, tres francais madame, had a moment…..
Sharp intake of breathe
Pursed her lips....
And literally almost had a coronary!
The look of surprise, shock, anger, disgust, disappointment all flashed through her in sequence.
You could literally see it all.
Fascinating to watch.

I guess it didn't help that all I wanted to do, was burst into laughter.

It’s like time and everything in the lunch room just stood still.
Eventually she composed herself…..But she would not speak to me again.
She communicated to me in sign language! 

The thing is, I know she knew English because she was understanding me perfectly well!
The situation was so comical…..but not uncommon on the least......Straight out of a movie!

The first time I went to the province of Quebec, I went with one of my colleagues.
After we landed, it was the funniest thing to notice that everyone spoke in English to her at the airport, and then turned to me and spoke in French.
We were both confused.
Not wanting to run out of good graces, I didn’t object and replied appropriately, but wondered what was going on.
Once outside the airport, it all fell into place.
Women with headscarves everywhere in the city.
Women mainly from West and North Africa.
Women who were francophone.
So the natural assumption apparently was that I was either from North or West Africa, or Haiti.
I was one of them.

Er….Not!

The situation has become highly comical to me :-)
But for the most part, my English-speaking self is treated wayyyyyyyyy better than any American visiting there.
There is little love for Les Americaines.

I now have a Algerian cab driver, who doubles as a fitness trainer apparently, and is currently my self-appointed French teacher and practice partner.
Note……Self-appointed.
He speaks perfect English, but says I have great potential to speak perfect Francais and it is his duty (note, duty) to enable me to do so.
I don’t know whether to laugh, or just shake my head, or just go with the flow.
So far I’ve done the last option :-)
He’s a great cabbie. Picks all his calls, and picks you up on time every time.
I have to say, he is great at teaching too. 

Very patient and encouraging. Since he won’t allow me to speak in English, he gives me time to look up words in my dictionaire and say what I want to say.
Getting stuck in Montreal traffic has produced highly amusing moments!

But as my cab driver cum French teacher says, It is not MY fault that Kenya was colonized by the English, and that I had the MISFORTUNE of being born Anglophone!!!
O.K.A.Y.
And THAT my dear people, is the Quebec way! :-)