Despair..............

Has it been over a month already?
How did we get to August?!

I've now spent most of the year in various cities, and various hotel rooms, such that it's become an easy rhythm...
I don't even notice the time pass anymore.
So it always kinda jolts me back to reality when I have to consciously think of how much time has lapsed.

But I did have to notice the dates this month, since it happens to be the month of fasting...
The month of Ramadhan.

A few days ago marked exactly one year since I came to the New World.
How time flies.
How life changes.
We truly are creatures of change us human beings.....Even if we don't know it, or even like it.

This Ramadhan is particularly important for me for a variety of reasons....
It truly marks the very first Ramadhan that my hubby and I are observing together....
Like truly truly!
Event-free....
Drama-free.......

In 2009, I had to go back to the UK to finish up my Masters Degree.
That meant a physical separation from my other half.
So it wasn't really our first Ramadhan together.

Last year this time round, I remember how I felt.
I was in a new place....
Far away from home.
I didn't know anybody....Other than my husband.
It was hot....beyond what I had anticipated....And everyone knows I don't handle the heat well!
I was not in my own home, and did not have a home to call my own........yet.
The place we were in was not particularly welcome of us as it turned out.
To say that our stress levels were through the roof...........Would be an underestimate.

Not to mention, I think I was still slightly fractured mentally and emotionally from my time in the Middle East.

But I couldn't let it show through.
I couldn't crack......Outwardly.
I had to put a smile on everyday, and just get on with it.
Because that's all I know how to do things.

So we started out last Ramadhan.....
Uncertain of what we were going to eat for Iftar (breaking of the fast) each day....We were in someone else's home, who didn't take that factor into consideration....Or seem bothered about it for that matter.
We were house hunting.
We were job hunting.
I remember every morning walking to catch the bus.....In the heat....Dripping in sweat by the time we got there.
I don't know how we managed to work through that time...
But we did.
All that mattered was that we were together.
Almighty God is surely Most Merciful.

One of my favourite Islamic scholars, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, mentions several times in many of his lectures...
That Muslims do not despair.
If we truly believe in God, we do not despair.
I think that was my lesson to learn from 2009 really.
Do not despair.

Le sigh............

How many of us can say that we are on our way to mastering that?

It didn't take long for us to find our own place to move to really...
For us to start making our home.
For the cars and jobs to come.
For the shopping sprees and my ever-expanding shoe collection to take center stage.
For me to adapt to an American lifestyle.
For life to get a routine.

So Monday morning, when my hubby and I woke up to have our Suhoor....our pre-dawn meal....as we prepared to start off the month of Ramadhan, all I could do was smile like a child and give a big thanks to up above.
I just felt calm.....And happy....And at peace.
Slightly elated actually!
I got to make what my grandmother made for us every morning for Suhoor.......Paratha (Indian flat bread), yummy spicy fried eggs, and of course masala chai.....

I finally got to share a part of my tradition....

A part of me....

In my own home...

With my husband:-)
It wouldn't mean much to someone else, but it was a truly bitter sweet moment for me.
And all I could think about was one of my favourite verses from the Qur'an....
Truly after hardship, there comes ease.:-)

To all my brothers and sisters out there in faith, have a wonderful and blessed Ramadhan.:-)