The past month has been one of much thought for me…..
Two major episodes collided.
One, was my birthday, and the other was the month of fasting, Ramadhan.
Two major episodes collided.
One, was my birthday, and the other was the month of fasting, Ramadhan.
This is my birthday post.
Huge birthday this was for me.
A new decade.
And since then, I’ve had people ask me what it’s meant to me…….
If I’ve felt different?
Of what significance it’s been?
Huge birthday this was for me.
A new decade.
And since then, I’ve had people ask me what it’s meant to me…….
If I’ve felt different?
Of what significance it’s been?
It’s taken me almost a month to figure that out.
Do I feel different?
No.
Do I know I am different as result of growing older?
Most definitely.
Do I feel different?
No.
Do I know I am different as result of growing older?
Most definitely.
I’ve been looking back at the past decade and spent much time introspecting on it.
The glorious 20’s…………gone.
And to be quite honest….I am mighty relieved!
The glorious 20’s…………gone.
And to be quite honest….I am mighty relieved!
The actual physical birth of my alter ego, Suburban Barbie, was born in this decade.
And boy hasn’t she evolved! :-)
That has been one of my crowning glories though.
SB has been a positive force.
She’s the charmer.
The eloquent one who knows how to say the right things.
The planner.
The go-getter.
The one who believes all things are possible.
The compassionate one.
The confident part of me.
The one who has balls.
And boy hasn’t she evolved! :-)
That has been one of my crowning glories though.
SB has been a positive force.
She’s the charmer.
The eloquent one who knows how to say the right things.
The planner.
The go-getter.
The one who believes all things are possible.
The compassionate one.
The confident part of me.
The one who has balls.
Suburban Barbie is also the part of me that I thought I could never be.
That might sounds strange, but having severe lack of self esteem when I was younger, I never believed I had all those positive traits.
Or that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to do.
I had to create SB….separate from myself……to play her….
So that I could know that I am her.
A bit of experimental cognitive behavioral therapy on myself :-) Or just plain old psychological voodoo…
You decide.
You decide.
Looking back….
The first half of the decade was spent royally screwing up, as I was discovering myself.
I remember so clearly at 21, how I felt I had it all figured out.
And now at 30, I know I have NOTHING figured out…..And that’s okay.
Of course I didn’t know that I had to discover myself, and figure out things. I already thought I had it all in the bag.
Just amazing at the lack of clarity at that age….Of the tunnel vision I had.
How catastrophic that turned out to be for me.
And many others now...that I watch everyday.
Caught in the webs of their own making at a young age.
The second half of the decade, after accepting that I have been living in utter misery and a façade of a so-called happy life, was spent trying to figure out, where did I go wrong?
I believe I am quite fortunate to have had that turning point while still in my 20’s….
For many, it doesn’t happen till much later.
But perhaps all the travesty I had prevailed brought me to that point much sooner than most.
The first half of the decade was spent royally screwing up, as I was discovering myself.
I remember so clearly at 21, how I felt I had it all figured out.
And now at 30, I know I have NOTHING figured out…..And that’s okay.
Of course I didn’t know that I had to discover myself, and figure out things. I already thought I had it all in the bag.
Just amazing at the lack of clarity at that age….Of the tunnel vision I had.
How catastrophic that turned out to be for me.
And many others now...that I watch everyday.
Caught in the webs of their own making at a young age.
The second half of the decade, after accepting that I have been living in utter misery and a façade of a so-called happy life, was spent trying to figure out, where did I go wrong?
I believe I am quite fortunate to have had that turning point while still in my 20’s….
For many, it doesn’t happen till much later.
But perhaps all the travesty I had prevailed brought me to that point much sooner than most.
I think the first step at that point was acceptance.
Acceptance that I had screwed up.
Acceptance that I did not like the person I was and that I had to change.
Acceptance that change is possible.
Acceptance that I had NOT FIGURED IT ALL OUT.
Acceptance that if I wanted different results in life, I was going to have to BE and DO different.
Acceptance that it all started with me, and no one else was to blame for MY CHOICES.
Acceptance that I had screwed up.
Acceptance that I did not like the person I was and that I had to change.
Acceptance that change is possible.
Acceptance that I had NOT FIGURED IT ALL OUT.
Acceptance that if I wanted different results in life, I was going to have to BE and DO different.
Acceptance that it all started with me, and no one else was to blame for MY CHOICES.
It was the hardest thing to swallow my pride and face myself.
And that was my quarter life crisis….As I called it then.
In reality, It was my greatest turning point to date.
And I hope I always look back upon that time and stick true to the promises I made to myself then.
And that was my quarter life crisis….As I called it then.
In reality, It was my greatest turning point to date.
And I hope I always look back upon that time and stick true to the promises I made to myself then.
So you can see why I’m mighty relieved the 20’s are over.
I feel like I survived a storm while sitting in a teacup….and that I have just landed on safe beach somewhere.
That is what turning 30 has meant to me.
My mother always said that a woman always looks her best at 30, so I suppose that i have lots to look forward to now.
When I think about her statement, I realize, she didn't mean that only in the physical sense.
After the trials and tribulations of adolescence and young adulthood, you finally reach the point where you know yourself as a person.
That is what turning 30 has meant to me.
My mother always said that a woman always looks her best at 30, so I suppose that i have lots to look forward to now.
When I think about her statement, I realize, she didn't mean that only in the physical sense.
After the trials and tribulations of adolescence and young adulthood, you finally reach the point where you know yourself as a person.
Where people cannot shake you and peer pressure becomes a thing of the past
(well, optimistically, for most!)......
When you have the confidence and self assurance to be you.
And that state of mind shines through, and is a very attractive quality.
If harnessed, that's when women become power houses.
So now, welcome to the decade of FABULOSITY! :-)
well hello miss fabulosity!! i like your honesty in accepting all that the 20's had to offer - it's so hard to do at times
ReplyDeletehere's to the fabulous 30's
xoxo
it iS the hardest thing, and i think as human beings we are so tuned (i dont know why!) to always want to paint a perfect picture and not show regret (which is not necessarily a bad thing in my books, the showing regret/remorse for past actions)...but that only hinders us from truly improving, truly changing, and truly moving forward to a better future inshallah:-)
ReplyDeleteas i always say, i'm always the first to admit when i've screwed up........believe me, i know it, even before someone points it out to me!:-)