At All Times..................

For whatever reason it may be………(and I totally never mind at all)……people feel comfortable talking to me about their personal problems…
Life situations…
Ups and downs…
Hypothetical scenarios…
And their what-if moments in life.

And I say I don’t mind……………because I truly don’t.
Sometimes I think maybe it was the medical training…
Where you are made attuned to connect with people…

To try and help them…
To not only treat the specific disease entity……we were constantly reminded….
But to treat the person as a whole.

I suppose it did foster a listening talent.

My husband credits it to my ability to cut to the chase and just give the person an unbiased opinion of the situation at hand.
Once again, probably the fruits of medical school boot-camp training.
 

I’ve never really seen this as a true asset however.

It worked in the professional arena, but on the personal fore-front....

Another story altogether.

Most people in my opinion……….
Are not ready to hear what I have to say. 

Or cannot stand how direct I am in those moments……(I secretly believe so)
Do not truly want advice and rather just want someone to hear them out. 

Or despite having a discussion where they fervently agree with the pros regarding the situation, will still go ahead anyway and do exactly as they please…….

So it always surprised me when they would come back. 

For more discussion……….attempts at finding solutions.

And sometimes I do wonder…….
So what’s the point??
Because this person clearly does NOT want a solution.

Haven’t we all had a situation like that???
 

Or the ones who later give you the silent treatment…
Or avoid you altogether!

In the past, I used to get quite emotional about it all.
But I’ve learnt to just let go.
After all, whether they take my advice or not, it’s not my life and I’m not the one who has to live with the decision.
It does not impact me directly.

So I’ve learnt to disengage……thankfully.
I suppose it goes with that part they call growing up.

However, as human beings………..since we are the masters of ASSumption….
I think most times people later feel embarrassed at their decisions or actions…. 

And assume things would be awkward…
Because they didn’t do as you suggested… 

And perhaps feel that they would be judged on that.

And heck yes, they would be judged.

We all are.......constantly.
It’s normal to have an opinion based on the actions we have undertaken.
One cannot expect others not to have an opinion about them...come to a conclusion regarding their words and actions...or face no opposition at any point in regards to their choices...

And join the DON'T JUDGE ME brigade.... 

That is just plain unrealistic and juvenile.

It surprises and saddens me how people are willing to burn bridges...
And break relationships...
Because they will not let their ego go down a notch and admit they might have been wrong...

Or it was indeed a bad decision and hence a bad outcome....

We get so concerned with preserving this fault-less image......this perfect persona of ourselves....

That we do not realize how much it costs us in personal relationships.
Be they friendships....or family connections.

Sad...

And wasteful.

Wasteful of time, energy, emotion and brain space.

However, I think people can learn how to COMMUNICATE to those close to them and help them understand their choices, 

Their concerns, 

Fears, 

Reasons, 

Uncertainities. 

And how much the other persons support would be essential to it all.
 

I had a wonderful long conversation with someone close to me recently…..which made it all finally click…
At the end of which she said, “Whatever I choose, I want you to understand my choice, and I need you by my side to see it through whichever way the dice falls, regardless of whether you think I’m being totally stupid at this moment or not.”
 

Her words had a lot of power.

And I totally appreciated the honesty.

I LOVE dealing with ADULTS.

 

Which is the crux of it all, isn’t it?
Because everything I have just said means little if nothing at all, if we cannot be honest with ourselves first and those around us………
At all times.